I Believe- 21

This post has been extremely difficult to write.
 It can be a hot button issue for some people and I typically try to avoid confrontations, contention, and writing about things that may leave some people feeling offended.
 However, I feel like I really would like to share my thoughts on the topic of modesty and what it means to me.

Modesty is one of those things that is so different for everyone.  Everyone has a different definition, opinion, and style that works for them.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we have specific guidelines that we are encouraged to follow.  Those guidelines can be found here.

So what exactly constitutes modest dress?
For me, dressing modestly means wearing my temple garments and making sure that the clothes I wear over them are appropriately covering those garments.  I do not alter my garments to fit the clothes that I wear, and I choose to not make exceptions when special occasions arise.

Okay, so what in the world are temple garments?  Is that the "weird underwear" that I have heard about?
Temple garments are a reminder of covenants that I made with God when I went to the temple for the first time as an adult.  In the booklet "True to the Faith" it says this about temple garments.
The garment provides a constant reminder of the covenants you have made in the temple. You should treat it with respect at all times. You should not expose it to the view of those who do not understand its significance, and you should not adjust it to accommodate different styles of clothing. When you wear it properly, it provides protection against temptation and evil. Wearing the garment is an outward expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior.

I love that last line..."Wearing the garment is an outward expression of an inward commitment to follow the Savior."

I feel that it all comes down to obedience and faith, as most things in religion do.

Is it hard to wear garments sometimes?

Absolutely.  Especially in places where it is hot and humid and all you want to do is wear the least amount of clothes possible.

I have been in places like that and it is very tempting to just wear something light and breezy, without wearing my garments underneath, but whenever I am faced with that choice, I am always drawn back to the promise mentioned above.

"When you wear it properly, it provides protection against temptation and evil."

I don't know about you, but that sounds like a pretty good promise.
Not to mention that fact that I made a covenant with God to wear them.

I am also reminded that I can do hard things...like wearing my garments when it is hot. :)

What do I teach my girls  children about modesty?

I made the choice before I even had kids, that I would dress them modestly from the get-go.  This meant that I had to resist the urge to buy things that I did not feel were modest, even though their cute little chubby baby bodies would have looked adorable in them.  After all, they are not wearing garments yet.  Why should they have to wear clothes that cover those areas of their bodies now?

I feel like if they are used to dressing modest now, maybe it will be easier for them to make that choice later when they are faced with social pressures to do otherwise.  Maybe it won't make a difference.  I guess we will find out in a few years...

 They are starting to have stronger opinions about the clothes that they wear, and we have had a lot of discussions on what is modest and what is not.  We talk a lot about why we choose to be modest, what is modest, and how it makes us feel when we do dress modestly.  This goes for Josh as much as it does the girls.  Oftentimes the modesty pendulum swings heavier on the girls' side, but it is just as important for boys to dress modestly.

What do I tell my girls about the issue of dressing modestly to help the boys not have bad thoughts?

 This is a tricky question. I know there is a huge controversy over this particular issue.  Here are my thoughts on the matter.  As much as we hate to admit it, immodestly dressed women do have an affect on boys/men, at least the boys and men that I have known and talked to about this issue.  Now before you get all up in arms because I said that, hear me out.  My girls know that first and foremost, they choose to be modest because they want to, because it makes them feel good about themselves, and because it shows their commitment to follow the Savior.  If dressing modestly also helps make it easier for their friends- who happen to be boys- to make good choices, then hooray!  That's what we are here to do, right?  Help each other make good choices?  

Does this mean that I am saying that boys shouldn't be responsible for their thoughts, feelings, or actions because of the way a girl is dressed?  Absolutely not.  Boys should be taught how to treat women with respect, love, and honor regardless of how they are dressed.  They are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. 

I have talked to my teenage boy about this question as well.  What does he think about the modesty issue?  He really appreciates it when the girls around him are dressed modestly.  He says that it definitely helps him to have appropriate thoughts vs inappropriate ones.

His quote...

"We're guys.  Our minds will always be in the gutter.  We can't help it."

I can hear some girls already.

"It's not my fault you can't help it!  I should be able to dress however I want without you having inappropriate thoughts about me!"

True.  In a perfect world, yes, that would be great.  Sadly, we are not in a perfect world.  Guys do have a hard time keeping their thoughts clean when they see a girl dressed immodestly.  Just like I had a hard time during that "time of the month" when my evil twin came to stay.  Hormones are powerful.  Plain and simple.

Whew!  That was a lot of words.

A lot of hard things to talk about.

A lot of backspacing, worrying that I am getting my point across clearly and not offending anyone.  That is definitely not the intent of this post at all.

However you choose to dress, is exactly that.

Your choice.

With this blog post I have told you my choice, and my family's choice.

It's right for us because we feel it's right.

You get to make your choice for your family according to what you feel is right.

In the end, what matters is how we treat one another.

If we treat each other with love, kindness, and respect, then there will be no room for the

"Did you see what she/he was wearing??"