Two Years and Counting

There was a time in my life, not so long ago, that I lived, breathed, and slept with thoughts of cancer plaguing my brain.

Every moment reminded me that I was sick.

Every moment reminded me that I was fighting the fight of my life- for my life.

Now here I sit, almost missing a very important anniversary because my brain is no longer plagued every second with thinking about, fighting, feeling, and loathing cancer.

Two years ago today I crossed a huge bridge in my cancer journey.  I had my very last chemo infusion.  As I look back on the pictures from that day, I don't recognize myself.

I find myself struggling to recall how I felt that day.  I know it was a huge surge of relief as they unhooked all of the tubes from my port, realizing that it was the end of that road.  

Man, I really hope I never have to go down that road again.

Time does truly heal all wounds.  

My scars are fading.  

The fear of a reoccurrence is slowly fading as well.  

I say slowly because it's still there, in the back of my mind.  With every new pain or ailment that surfaces, I automatically assume that the cancer has returned.  If I read or hear about someone having a reoccurrence, I sit back and wonder, "Okay.  When is the other shoe going to drop for me?"

But I have learned to not dwell on those thoughts. 

I try to dwell instead, on the thoughts of,

I'm here.

I have a beautiful family and wonderful friends.

Each day is a gift.

I have even come to a truce with "The Red Devil" and "Mr. Taxotere" and what they did to my body- and continue to do as their effects linger on.

I can finally think of them and say- "Thank you."  

"I didn't like you and I never want to see you again, but I thank you for saving my life and giving me the opportunity to live another day."

Happy Chemo-versary!
Here's to 2 years and counting.  :)