Well, I was hoping that my next post would be filled with some answers and a surgery date and treatment options and all that.
But, sadly, no news yet.
But that's ok and the weird thing is, I am amazingly calm about it. I had an "Ah-ha" moment this morning that has really made me go from the "going crazy" end of the spectrum to "calm, cool, and collected".
I woke up at 5- not because I wanted to, just couldn't sleep anymore. I actually love waking up before everyone else because it gives me some quiet time to just be by myself. So I was doing some good soul searching and came to a conclusion....
I need to stop living each day with feelings of anxiety, panic, fear of the unknown, etc.
Having those feelings is not going to change anything. It's not going to make the test come back any faster. It's not going to give me answers any sooner. All it does is wear me out and make me grumpy with my family, which I really hate.
Everything will happen when it happens. I know that I am in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven who knows me and loves me. I know that He has cried along with me in my moments of heartbreak. I also know that this experience is going to teach me some amazing things. I am going to come through this a better person, no doubt about it.
How did I come to this conclusion you may wonder?
By reading this
and this
and as always, this wonderful book.
How can I have any shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ love me? They have calmed my troubled heart, brought peace to my mind and helped me to find the answers that I have been searching for. This cancer is a trial, yes, but it's not a punishment. It's an opportunity for me to grow and learn so that I can be prepared to live with them again.
Wow, that was some pretty deep stuff, but all true. ;)
Thanks again to all of my "biggest fans" out there who are sticking with me through this. You will never know how much all of your love and support means to me right now.
Score:
Desirae- 2 Cancer- still 0,
it tried to get a point by making me live in fear, but I shot it down fast. :)
But, sadly, no news yet.
But that's ok and the weird thing is, I am amazingly calm about it. I had an "Ah-ha" moment this morning that has really made me go from the "going crazy" end of the spectrum to "calm, cool, and collected".
I woke up at 5- not because I wanted to, just couldn't sleep anymore. I actually love waking up before everyone else because it gives me some quiet time to just be by myself. So I was doing some good soul searching and came to a conclusion....
I need to stop living each day with feelings of anxiety, panic, fear of the unknown, etc.
Having those feelings is not going to change anything. It's not going to make the test come back any faster. It's not going to give me answers any sooner. All it does is wear me out and make me grumpy with my family, which I really hate.
Everything will happen when it happens. I know that I am in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven who knows me and loves me. I know that He has cried along with me in my moments of heartbreak. I also know that this experience is going to teach me some amazing things. I am going to come through this a better person, no doubt about it.
How did I come to this conclusion you may wonder?
By reading this
and this
and as always, this wonderful book.
How can I have any shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ love me? They have calmed my troubled heart, brought peace to my mind and helped me to find the answers that I have been searching for. This cancer is a trial, yes, but it's not a punishment. It's an opportunity for me to grow and learn so that I can be prepared to live with them again.
Wow, that was some pretty deep stuff, but all true. ;)
Thanks again to all of my "biggest fans" out there who are sticking with me through this. You will never know how much all of your love and support means to me right now.
Score:
Desirae- 2 Cancer- still 0,
it tried to get a point by making me live in fear, but I shot it down fast. :)
Just printed them off so I could read the articles and as with you every morning is my B Of M read can't get through the day with out it. You are going to be fine through all this, with more patience learned. So many prayers going out for you. We love ya!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great attitude and perspective you have, Des. You are a choice daughter of our Heavenly Father. You are in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteYou are Simply AMAZING!!! I am so happy we have gotten to know each other because of our childred. I am honored to be your friend. :)
ReplyDeleteAfter watching so many hospital shows (like ER, House, etc) I sometimes wish that you could be on TV time for all of your results. Patients on those shows never have to wait weeks for a result- they are upset if they have to wait a day or so.
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess that we do live in 'real time' not TV time. Living in the here and now is the best option you have. Good luck with the wait (it is like a really, really long commercial break, right?)
((hugs)). Even playing the waiting game you're just shining with Grace and Faith. I actually think you deserve bonus points for that.
ReplyDeleteSo, I show:
Des- 200, Cancer -0. =) Love ya!
I'm LOVING the score board :) Thank you for strengthening my testimony. Even in the middle of all this you are still building others up. You never stop amazing me!
ReplyDelete