8-19-11

I will always remember this day for 3 reasons.
Two of them are very exciting and one is not.

1. My baby boy started Junior High! Can you believe it? I can't!

I still remember him learning how to walk and now I had to drop him off at the Junior High so he could learn how to walk through the seemingly endless supply of hallways and staircases at that place. But I am mostly excited for him and he had a great day.

2. One of my very good friends, Hollie, has been waiting and waiting to welcome a baby girl into their family. She has two sweet little boys and now they have a beautiful baby girl thanks to an amazing miracle and a birth mom from out of state.
Baby Jayna is absolutely perfect in every little way (and I mean little- she was only 5 lbs. 5 oz. and she is tiny!) SO excited for their cute little family.

3. Not sure how to begin telling you about this one. My hands are shaking and I am having trouble typing. I keep having to backspace.
Today is the day that I learned I have cancer.
Yep- the ugly "C" word. The word I never in a million years thought I would ever have to experience. 

This cute little cat poster says it all. 
I definitely has a sad and it really sucks!

So here is the story up to now in the shortest version possible.
About a month ago I found a lump (now we know what kind of cancer we're talking about here). I wasn't too concerned about it. Both of my grandmothers have had fibroids removed and that is hereditary so I just assumed that's what we were dealing with.
My doctor suggested I have an ultrasound- so that I did.
Last week I had an ultrasound and they threw in a mammogram just for fun. ;)
Because I am over 30 and I found a lump.
Both the ultrasound and mammogram looked fine other than that one nasty little lump about the size of a large pea.
The doctor doing the ultrasound suggested that I come in for a biopsy so they could get a better idea of what that little lump was made of.
That brings us to Thursday. Went in for the biopsy. Came away feeling great and pretty confident that we were still dealing with a fibroid. They said they would call Friday afternoon with the results.

Now we are to Friday morning about 10 am. I am picking Emma up from ice skating- have all my cute girlies with me and we are getting into the car to head to Costco. My phone rings and the person on the other end- one Dr. O'Neill I believe- says,
"Well, Desirae, we got the results back from your biopsy and I am very sorry to say that it does not look good. There were some cancer cells that showed up."
I'm sorry, "WHAT!?!?!?!?!"
Did you actually just tell me that I have cancer?
That's just not possible I am thinking. There is no history of breast cancer in my family and this thing is just a fibroid.
So what do I do? I say, "Really- wow" and I get in my car and start driving. Except I don't drive to Costco, I go the opposite direction to Mark's work. All I could think of at that moment was that I needed Mark. I needed him to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be fine.
As I am driving she is still talking to me and I am hearing things like
"MRI and Grade 2 Cancer and Surgeon and I'm Sorry and millions of other things."
Why didn't I pull over and write these things down?

Fast forward to today. Right now this is what I know.
I have Breast Cancer- it's not super aggressive but it's not passive either. It's right smack in the middle. I will have to have a Lumpectomy at the very least. I have no idea what other kind of treatment I will have to have yet. I had an MRI on Friday night and I meet with a surgeon on Tuesday to find out what the next few weeks or months of my life is going to involve.

This is what else I know.
I am going to be ok.
I will forever be known as a Breast Cancer Survivor and I will proudly wear that on my back when I run the Race for the Cure next year.
The next few weeks/months are going to suck and not be fun.
My Heavenly Father loves me and is looking out for me. There are many small little miracles that have already taken place to have me here, in this moment, with the right people to take care of me.
I am supposed to learn something from this experience and through this experience I will be able to help others.
I really have the greatest friends and family in the world.

So- that's the scoop! I wish I knew more. The unknown is killing me! I am a planner. I need to plan things and this is not how I like to plan things.
I am planning on updating through my blog- not Facebook. I would rather have people look at my cute blog then check my status updates on Facebook. So if you want to keep tabs on me, you can become a follower on my blog or just check it periodically.

Thank you to everyone for your sweet messages of love- your prayers and your thoughts and your willingness to drop everything and serve me.
I am amazed that already I feel the power of so many prayers on my behalf. It's an incredible feeling and I feel so blessed to have so many awesome people in my life who care so much about me. There are so many people with bigger crosses to bear.

Thank you- I love you- and here's to kicking cancer in the butt!