I have had quite a few life altering experiences throughout my life.
Getting married
Becoming a mommy
2 years as PTA President
Being diagnosed with Breast Cancer at age 33
just to name a few.
After last week, I can add a new experience to that list.
First Descents Kayaking Adventure in Jackson Wyoming.
(my 2nd family)
I never could have imagined what an impact this week would have on my life.
But let me back up a bit and tell you what First Descents is and how I stumbled upon it.
A few months back, I was watching a show on BYUTV called "Turning Point". (click here to watch the episode.) It is a show that highlights non-profit organizations. I just happened to watch one on First Descents which is an organization that takes young adult cancer survivors on super cool adventures like kayaking, rock climbing or surfing. I have always wanted to go river rafting, so I figured I would jump on their website for more info. Before I knew it, I had signed up to have someone contact me and was chatting with someone a few days later finding out about what trips they had available. The only one that remotely sort of fit into my schedule was a Kayaking trip in Jackson, Wyoming from August 26-Sept. 1. I said, "Sign me up!" And the excitement set in.
Months went by...life continued....surgeries happened....exhaustion set in.
I found myself thinking that there was no way I was going to be able to do this trip.
A) Going on a fun trip like this by myself, without the Love of my Life? Weird.
B) Leaving the kids during their first week of a new school year? Crazy.
C) Cutting a week out of my life right before preschool starts and losing precious time to cross things off my never ending to-do list? Super Crazy.
I wrestled with the decision in my mind for weeks. Back and forth. Going- not going. I made it a matter of prayer and serious reflection. Every time I thought about cancelling the trip, I just felt confused. I knew that was an answer to my prayer. I needed to go. I had every excuse in the book NOT to go, but I just couldn't cancel it.
Man am I thankful for answers to prayers. If I had not been listening, I would have missed out on this....
and this....
I would have missed out on an experience that has forever changed me.
I would have missed out on new friendships.
I would have missed out on the capstone of my cancer journey.
Yes, I am very thankful that I was listening when the answer came.
I left my home on August 26 with a multitude of feelings. I was feeling excited and nervous and sad and happy. I had just sent my kids off for their first day of school and I would not be seeing them for a whole week! No after school cookies and seeing the excitement on their faces as they rush home to tell me about their day.
It took me about 4 1/2 hours to arrive in Jackson. I drove by myself and had a very nice, quiet drive. Lots of time for pondering life in a car by yourself with no kids begging for your attention. ;)
I had a little trouble finding the right ranch at first. I pulled up to a couple of cabins that looked completely deserted and I was starting to think that maybe I was part of a very elaborate prank. I had no phone reception at this point, so I couldn't call any of the directors to see if I was in the right spot. I said a quick prayer and tried one more dirt road.
Jackpot.
Welcome to the Broken Arrow Ranch in Jackson, Wyoming.
I was one of the last of the group to arrive so I had some catching up to do. Everyone had to choose a nickname. I had struggled with thinking of a name the whole way to Jackson. I finally settled on "Rae Rae" (I couldn't say my name when I was little so that's what I called myself and my Grandpa picked up on it and started calling me that.)
The first night was spent just chatting with everyone and learning about each other's cancer stories. We stayed in a bunkhouse, I chose a top bunk. :)
Here's a breakdown of what each day entailed....
Day One
Our first stop was to go get fitted in our kayaks. I had no idea of what a process this would be. Lots of gear to haul around. We then drove to a lake so that we could learn how to get out of our kayaks in the event that we tip over. This was the part that I was truly terrified of. I am not really a swimmer. I can swim, but I prefer to lay out next to the pool or on the beach rather than spend time in the water. I definitely do not enjoy water up my nose. But that is how I spent the next few hours....getting water up my nose. It's not a very comfortable feeling to be snugly secure in a kayak that is upside down in the cold water. As with every challenge that I face though, I hit this one head on and pretty soon I could "wet exit" like a pro. I even had to do one for real when I was tipped while we were playing a game. In panic mode, I failed to remember the 3 "T's"...tuck, tap, tug. I just pushed on the back of my kayak and got out of that sucker as fast as I could.
Day Two
Well, now that we had spent a good 4 hours or so on a lake, of course we were ready to just tackle the river! Umm, yeah. I was not feeling very confident in my abilities as a kayaker. But life moves on and we had a river to conquer. This first stretch was a relatively easy one. Not too many rapids, just some swift moving water. When we pulled up to the river I remember thinking, "I am going to die today. Look how fast that river is moving!" But just like chemo, I grit my teeth and jumped in. Once we actually got on the water, I was surprised at how slowly I was moving. I was then able to relax a bit and just enjoy the moment. I was overwhelmed with gratitude at the beauty that surrounded me. I know I thanked my Heavenly Father numerous times this day to be having this great adventure.
After surviving 9 miles on the river (with no tipping I might add), we headed back to the ranch for some free time and dinner. I have never eaten so well in all my life. The food was incredible.
Day Three
Today we enjoyed a break from the river, which was a good thing because we were all exhausted. We spent the day in Yellowstone. It was very surreal to be walking around Old Faithful and admiring the Grand Tetons. I was wishing so badly that my family could be there with me. I know the kids would have loved it. But I did have my 2nd family with me and we were having a fantastic time. I laughed so much this week that my stomach muscles still hurt. Who would have thought that 12 complete strangers could come together and be so compatible with one another? We have a special connection for sure and made some really great memories that will last forever.
After strolling around Yellowstone for a bit, we split up and some of the fam went back to explore the town of Jackson. I stayed with the group that wanted to go for a little hike. We drove past Lewis Falls and had to stop for a photo op. The photo op turned into a hike, which then turned into a swim. We had no intention of swimming at the base of Lewis Falls that day, but one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen...clothes and all. It was a cold ride home.
On the way back to the ranch, we stopped at Kmart to grab a volleyball because there was a net back at camp. That was an adventure in and of itself. We had a nice little competitive game after dinner. It was pretty sweet and I slept good that night from pure exhaustion.
Day Four
Wondering what I am doing with a shamrock on my helmet? Well, I was the recipient of the water award. My friend, Kodiak, chose me because of my adventure in the waterfall. So I had to wear the award all day. It must have brought me luck, because once again...it was a no-tipping day.
Today we were back on the river. We started about where we had left of the last time we were on the river. The plan was to go another 8-9 miles again. This stretch was a little more challenging, but not too much. I really was feeling pretty confident in my kayaking abilities at this point.
Today was a day of tears though. After we had lunch, we had a little solo time. We were asked to find two rocks. On one, we had to write all of the things we love about ourselves. On the other...the things we want to do away with. As I sat pondering what to write, I felt overwhelmed with a sense of peace and love. I could not fill up the "good" rock fast enough. It felt as though my Father in Heaven was speaking directly to my heart and telling me all of these wonderful things he has blessed me with. I have been truly blessed. I was able to come up with a few things for the "bad" rock as well. One of which, was letting go of cancer. When we were done writing on our rocks, we were instructed to throw the "bad" rock into the river and let it take away those things. An incredible healing moment for me. After 2 years of living, breathing, and thinking about cancer on an almost daily basis, it felt wonderful to throw all of that into the river. I have been healed- inside and out.
It was another exhilarating and exhausting day. However, I had plenty of energy for another friendly volleyball match. :)
Day Five
Graduation Day
We made it! Five days of hard, physical but fun labor.
We started out with most of us not knowing a thing about kayaking and now here we were, facing class 3+ rapids (the scale goes from 1-5).
I had made the decision to try out a different kayak for the day and I was very happy with that choice.
I had 3 goals for this trip:
1. To learn a new skill (check)
2. To have fun (check)
3. To relax (check)
I knew that I could handle the other Kayak...my sweet "Swagger Dagger"...but I also knew that it made my legs and feet numb after being in it for more than 30 minutes. I wanted to be comfortable so I could enjoy every minute of this Graduation Day. I was going to try the inflatable Kayak, but then one of the instructors, Shakespeare, pulled me aside at our campfire and suggested that I would be happier in the sit-on-top kayak. Thank you for the suggestion, Shakespeare.
I had an awesome graduation run.
Funny thing happened though. Even though this kayak is a little more stable than the other one, I ended up in the water 3 times. One for practice, since this was a new kayak. I needed to know how to get back into it. I made it through all of the big rapids ok, it was the crazy swirly water that threw me out. I loved it. It was pretty easy to get back in, as long as there was an instructor there to pull me up by my PFD (personal floatation device). I have lost a lot of muscle tone and my arm strength is minimal at best. We went through the "Big Kahuna" rapid and "Lunch Counter" to name a couple. I really almost wet my wetsuit (if you know what I mean) when we came up on the "Big Kahuna". They sent most of the instructors down first so they could wait for us at the bottom. I really started having heart palpitations when one of the instructors flipped her kayak on the way through. If "Bob" (the roughest, toughest woman who ever lived) flipped her kayak, then I was sure it was going to be my last day on earth. Survived cancer and all the horror that came with it only to be killed on the Snake River.
I am happy to say, that everything went perfectly. I did not go through the biggest part. I took a smaller left-side channel, and I made it, and it...was...awesome.
After that, I knew that anything was possible so I was able to relax even more.
A littler further down river, we stopped and one of our directors, Pleezah, gave us a little graduation speech. Then, he sent us down- one by one- to have a little solo time on the river.
And cue the tears...again.
I had so many emotions running through me. It had been a stupendous week and all of the emotions came rushing at me all at once. I had been thinking a lot about my Grandpa. I am sure I always will when I am in nature because he loved it so much. I had felt him with me throughout the week and at that moment, I knew he was there. I could hear him saying, "Good job kiddo!" I thought about the Love of My Life and how much he has sacrificed over the last 2 years. I thought about my munchkins and was filled with gratitude once again, that I have been allowed to have more time with them in this life. I hit the rapids and felt the power surge through me as I stroked like a pro all the way through and into the eddy. I could not stop the tears from flowing and I was thankful for my sunglasses.
I made it down the river that day and it was a very bittersweet moment to reach our take out point. The week had been SO much fun! I had laughed and cried, puzzled and volleyballed, paddled and hiked my way into a 2nd family and out of the chains of cancer. These 12 survivors from all different parts of the country had formed a bond as thick as blood. I love them all and am so thankful to have them in my life.
It was hard to say goodbye. I was definitely ready to head home and get hugs and kisses from my love and my kiddos. I missed them so much it hurt. But it was heartbreaking to have to say goodbye to these people that I had grown to love. And now as I sit writing this post, I miss them so much it hurts.
Thank you, Cancer for putting me through hell so that I could rise triumphant.
Thank you, First Descents for the opportunity to shed the shell of cancer and enter a new beginning.
Thank you to all of my FD peeps. Survivors, directors, instructors, friends. We rocked the river and we...are...awesome.
Thank you to the Love of my Life for being a single parent for the week with a full time paid job and a full time volunteer job, so I could have this opportunity that has made me a better wife, a better mother, a better person. I love you so much.
The first night was spent just chatting with everyone and learning about each other's cancer stories. We stayed in a bunkhouse, I chose a top bunk. :)
Here's a breakdown of what each day entailed....
Day One
Day Two
After surviving 9 miles on the river (with no tipping I might add), we headed back to the ranch for some free time and dinner. I have never eaten so well in all my life. The food was incredible.
Day Three
After strolling around Yellowstone for a bit, we split up and some of the fam went back to explore the town of Jackson. I stayed with the group that wanted to go for a little hike. We drove past Lewis Falls and had to stop for a photo op. The photo op turned into a hike, which then turned into a swim. We had no intention of swimming at the base of Lewis Falls that day, but one thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen...clothes and all. It was a cold ride home.
On the way back to the ranch, we stopped at Kmart to grab a volleyball because there was a net back at camp. That was an adventure in and of itself. We had a nice little competitive game after dinner. It was pretty sweet and I slept good that night from pure exhaustion.
Day Four
Today we were back on the river. We started about where we had left of the last time we were on the river. The plan was to go another 8-9 miles again. This stretch was a little more challenging, but not too much. I really was feeling pretty confident in my kayaking abilities at this point.
Today was a day of tears though. After we had lunch, we had a little solo time. We were asked to find two rocks. On one, we had to write all of the things we love about ourselves. On the other...the things we want to do away with. As I sat pondering what to write, I felt overwhelmed with a sense of peace and love. I could not fill up the "good" rock fast enough. It felt as though my Father in Heaven was speaking directly to my heart and telling me all of these wonderful things he has blessed me with. I have been truly blessed. I was able to come up with a few things for the "bad" rock as well. One of which, was letting go of cancer. When we were done writing on our rocks, we were instructed to throw the "bad" rock into the river and let it take away those things. An incredible healing moment for me. After 2 years of living, breathing, and thinking about cancer on an almost daily basis, it felt wonderful to throw all of that into the river. I have been healed- inside and out.
It was another exhilarating and exhausting day. However, I had plenty of energy for another friendly volleyball match. :)
Day Five
Graduation Day
We started out with most of us not knowing a thing about kayaking and now here we were, facing class 3+ rapids (the scale goes from 1-5).
I had made the decision to try out a different kayak for the day and I was very happy with that choice.
I had 3 goals for this trip:
1. To learn a new skill (check)
2. To have fun (check)
3. To relax (check)
I knew that I could handle the other Kayak...my sweet "Swagger Dagger"...but I also knew that it made my legs and feet numb after being in it for more than 30 minutes. I wanted to be comfortable so I could enjoy every minute of this Graduation Day. I was going to try the inflatable Kayak, but then one of the instructors, Shakespeare, pulled me aside at our campfire and suggested that I would be happier in the sit-on-top kayak. Thank you for the suggestion, Shakespeare.
I had an awesome graduation run.
Funny thing happened though. Even though this kayak is a little more stable than the other one, I ended up in the water 3 times. One for practice, since this was a new kayak. I needed to know how to get back into it. I made it through all of the big rapids ok, it was the crazy swirly water that threw me out. I loved it. It was pretty easy to get back in, as long as there was an instructor there to pull me up by my PFD (personal floatation device). I have lost a lot of muscle tone and my arm strength is minimal at best. We went through the "Big Kahuna" rapid and "Lunch Counter" to name a couple. I really almost wet my wetsuit (if you know what I mean) when we came up on the "Big Kahuna". They sent most of the instructors down first so they could wait for us at the bottom. I really started having heart palpitations when one of the instructors flipped her kayak on the way through. If "Bob" (the roughest, toughest woman who ever lived) flipped her kayak, then I was sure it was going to be my last day on earth. Survived cancer and all the horror that came with it only to be killed on the Snake River.
I am happy to say, that everything went perfectly. I did not go through the biggest part. I took a smaller left-side channel, and I made it, and it...was...awesome.
After that, I knew that anything was possible so I was able to relax even more.
A littler further down river, we stopped and one of our directors, Pleezah, gave us a little graduation speech. Then, he sent us down- one by one- to have a little solo time on the river.
And cue the tears...again.
I had so many emotions running through me. It had been a stupendous week and all of the emotions came rushing at me all at once. I had been thinking a lot about my Grandpa. I am sure I always will when I am in nature because he loved it so much. I had felt him with me throughout the week and at that moment, I knew he was there. I could hear him saying, "Good job kiddo!" I thought about the Love of My Life and how much he has sacrificed over the last 2 years. I thought about my munchkins and was filled with gratitude once again, that I have been allowed to have more time with them in this life. I hit the rapids and felt the power surge through me as I stroked like a pro all the way through and into the eddy. I could not stop the tears from flowing and I was thankful for my sunglasses.
Thank you, First Descents for the opportunity to shed the shell of cancer and enter a new beginning.
Thank you to all of my FD peeps. Survivors, directors, instructors, friends. We rocked the river and we...are...awesome.
Thank you to the Love of my Life for being a single parent for the week with a full time paid job and a full time volunteer job, so I could have this opportunity that has made me a better wife, a better mother, a better person. I love you so much.
Amazing!
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