I am sure that there will be many rock bottoms before this whole ordeal is over, but today I hit the first one.
I spent the morning not-so-patiently waiting for the doctor's office to call.
By 1:30 I couldn't stand it any longer and had to call them. The test results have to be delivered by FedEx- no faxing or over the phone stuff. So they were waiting for the FedEx delivery to come. In the meantime, I had been also waiting to hear about when I needed to meet with the plastic surgeon in case I need to have reconstruction surgery.
The receptionist was surprised because she had called the plastic surgeon's office last week and they were supposed to call me to schedule and appointment. But I have not received a phone call from them. So she said she would call them again and have them call me.
Well, they called me and said, "So I moved some things around and can you come in next Tuesday, the 13th?" I said that No, that probably would not work since I was probably going to have surgery on Thursday or Friday.
"Oh, you are having the surgery this week?"
"Well, yes, that is the plan as far as I know it."
"Well, let me call Dr. Leckman's office because I seem to have the wrong info."
GRRRR!!!!!
So then, a couple of hours later, I get a call from Dr. Leckman's office (my regular surgeon).
"Well, I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but I have been chasing a bunch of people at the gene testing place and finally found out that because of Labor Day, the test will not be delivered until tomorrow before 4:30. Also, Dr. Leckman does not want to move forward until we have those test results so he doesn't want you to meet with the plastic surgeon yet. We will wait until we get the results and then make the plans from there."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am tired of having my life on hold. I could have started preschool this week as planned, and that is why I called last week to see what the possibility of having surgery this week would be so I could move forward with preschool or cancel it. So obviously I cancelled it because I thought I would be having surgery on Thursday.
I guess I could still start preschool this week, but see the problem now is- I am tired. I am tired of talking about it, thinking about it, wondering about it.
I am tired of not wanting to think about it, but not being able to concentrate on anything else.
I am tired of having my life on hold and having to keep lots of other people on hold as well.
I am tired of being strong on the outside while I fall apart on the inside.
One of the crappiest parts of this whole thing is that it's nobody's fault. It would be easier to take out my anger and frustration if I had someone to blame, but there is no one. It's just a crappy situation plain and simple.
So now I am here at rock bottom. I don't plan to stay here long, but for now, that's where I am. Now I guess the score is even. :/
I spent the morning not-so-patiently waiting for the doctor's office to call.
By 1:30 I couldn't stand it any longer and had to call them. The test results have to be delivered by FedEx- no faxing or over the phone stuff. So they were waiting for the FedEx delivery to come. In the meantime, I had been also waiting to hear about when I needed to meet with the plastic surgeon in case I need to have reconstruction surgery.
The receptionist was surprised because she had called the plastic surgeon's office last week and they were supposed to call me to schedule and appointment. But I have not received a phone call from them. So she said she would call them again and have them call me.
Well, they called me and said, "So I moved some things around and can you come in next Tuesday, the 13th?" I said that No, that probably would not work since I was probably going to have surgery on Thursday or Friday.
"Oh, you are having the surgery this week?"
"Well, yes, that is the plan as far as I know it."
"Well, let me call Dr. Leckman's office because I seem to have the wrong info."
GRRRR!!!!!
So then, a couple of hours later, I get a call from Dr. Leckman's office (my regular surgeon).
"Well, I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but I have been chasing a bunch of people at the gene testing place and finally found out that because of Labor Day, the test will not be delivered until tomorrow before 4:30. Also, Dr. Leckman does not want to move forward until we have those test results so he doesn't want you to meet with the plastic surgeon yet. We will wait until we get the results and then make the plans from there."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am tired of having my life on hold. I could have started preschool this week as planned, and that is why I called last week to see what the possibility of having surgery this week would be so I could move forward with preschool or cancel it. So obviously I cancelled it because I thought I would be having surgery on Thursday.
I guess I could still start preschool this week, but see the problem now is- I am tired. I am tired of talking about it, thinking about it, wondering about it.
I am tired of not wanting to think about it, but not being able to concentrate on anything else.
I am tired of having my life on hold and having to keep lots of other people on hold as well.
I am tired of being strong on the outside while I fall apart on the inside.
One of the crappiest parts of this whole thing is that it's nobody's fault. It would be easier to take out my anger and frustration if I had someone to blame, but there is no one. It's just a crappy situation plain and simple.
So now I am here at rock bottom. I don't plan to stay here long, but for now, that's where I am. Now I guess the score is even. :/
Hugs to you. Sorry you keep waiting. Know that we are all thinking of you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThis is the time in a moms life that she wants to scoop you up and hold you like I did when you were my little Rae Rae. I know that the Lord is with you. He will help you through the rough patches that will come with this trial. You know that we (dad and I) are praying for you constantly everyday. I hope that you can gain comfort from that. Love you :x (thats my kissy face if you didn't know)
ReplyDeleteI just want to yell in frustration right along with you... There is no truer definition of misery than waiting, even days, for something so important and agonizing.
ReplyDeleteWe had to wait 5 days between Jack's first ultrasound, when they knew something was wrong, telling us he might not live to deliver, until we met with a real doctor that did an ultrasound and told us the real story. Five days can be SO hard.... If you could only sleep through your wait, right?
I am so sorry for another thing to have to wait for. I bet you are so ready to move on to the next part, whatever it is.
Until then, you are in our prayers EVERY DAY.
Love and hugs,
Christy and Doug
We'll wait with ya :( :)
ReplyDelete