One Day at a Time

A Great Day

2012-02-14T06:39:00.003-07:00

Have you ever gotten up in the morning and knew that your day was just going to be great?
I have had a few of those days in my lifetime, and today, is one of those days.

*First of all it's Valentine's Day. A great day to share our expressions of love to one another. I have had such an outpouring of love in my life lately, and I am lucky enough to be able to share my story with so many more people as of today.

I have talked about Time Out for Women and how much I love the event. I always come away with a "recharged spiritual battery" and a commitment to be a better person. This year was no exception and I wanted to let the wonderful people in charge of the event know how inspired I was when I left. So I left a comment on their website. About a month ago, I received an email from them asking me if I would be willing to write an essay to be featured on their blog.
Are you kidding?
Yes! Absolutely!
So as of today- Valentine's Day- the "Day of Love"- I am a published author (well kind of). I can't think of a better day for me to share my story of such great love than today.
Click here to read the essay.
I am so excited about this. :)

*Another reason today is going to be great is that I will have the opportunity tonight to speak and sing at a meeting for some of the fabulous Young Women in our church. My sister-in-law asked me if I would speak at their New Beginnings meeting. It is a meeting that introduces the Young Women program to girls who are turning 12 this year.
Some of you may be wondering, "Why is she so excited to speak in public?"
I don't know. Call me crazy, but I actually don't mind speaking in public. Especially when I get to sing as well as speak. My only fear is being boring. I guess I could just reveal my fuzzy head if it looks like people are falling asleep. ;)

Here's to a great day! I hope that you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
Thank you for showering me with so much love so I could have something to write an essay about. ;)

On the Horizon

2012-02-11T10:52:00.003-07:00

Now that the dust has settled a bit, I thought I would post a little update about what is "on the horizon" in my journey.

*After some serious thought and prayer, I decided to go with a double mastectomy.
I will be having that surgery on Wednesday, February 29.
I will be saying goodbye to the "girls" and my Port-a-cath that day.
My plastic surgeon will be there to start some of the reconstructive process as well.
So Leap Day will be another "Pink Day".
If you haven't had a chance to send me a picture of you wearing pink, there is still plenty of room in the scrapbook. :)

*About a month after surgery- if everything goes as planned- I will start Radiation Therapy. This will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Yippee...

*About 3 months or so after Radiation, I will be able to go in to complete the reconstructive surgery.

*Then I will be taking a serious vacation...maybe here...:)

So that's the scoop.
I am not really nervous for surgery...yet. Haven't really taken the time to think about it much. I've been too busy celebrating.

I've also been preparing for a couple of things I am really excited about.
Check back on Tuesday and I will tell you all about them. ;)

One Crazy Weekend

2012-02-08T18:50:00.003-07:00

I think I have finally come around to join the land of the living again!
The weekend after chemo is always the hardest, so why not throw in an ice skating competition and a trip to the symphony? Once again, the word CRAZY comes to mind. But we are really trying to keep our lives as "normal" as we possibly can for our kids' sake.
So to recap...last chemo on Wednesday the 1st, AWESOME party followed that.
Thursday was preschool and time with the fam.
Friday was the Winter Games Competition for Emma and a trip to the symphony with Josh (part of his Christmas present).

Here we all are at the Winter Games. I am so proud of my little Emma Kay. She is now skating at the Preliminary level and has to land some double jumps in her program. Don't ask me which jumps are the double ones- I still can't tell the difference. I do know which one is her axel, but that's about it. She was really nervous about this competition because there were so many girls in her group. Usually she skates with about 5-6 girls. This time there were 10. Add that to the fact that it's the first time she has competed at this level= one nervous little girl (and momma). But she did so well! She set out to skate her best and she did just that. Had one little fall on one of her jumps, but as always, she popped right back up and finished on time. She finished in 6th place and we couldn't have been happier.

As always, thank you so much to the amazing Kelly, Emma's coach. We just think she is the greatest coach ever. Emma has skated with her since she started 5 years ago and we just love her so much. :)

Fortunately the stars were all aligned and the time schedule worked out so that we could watch Emma skate and be to the symphony on time. We gave Josh tickets to the symphony back at Christmas and didn't realize at the time that it would be the same weekend as Winter Games and a chemo treatment.

Look at this handsome devil. Who's kid is he anyway and how did he get so good lookin'?
He started playing the cello last year and fell in love with it. He started private lessons this summer and just took off. He is the first chair cellist in the school's orchestra, which is rare for a 7th grader. Could not be more proud of the kid. (Ok, I would be a little more proud if we could get a handle on the whole "turning your homework in on time" issue but I digress...)
We were excited to take him to the symphony on this particular night because they were featuring a cellist from Germany and playing Beethoven's 5th symphony.
It really was a spectacular night...I just wish I could remember more of it. Unfortunately, I started to lose consciousness about the time they started playing the 5th symphony and I was in and out. Mark and Josh's shoulders make good pillows. ;)

But, I made it through the weekend...barely. Saturday and Sunday were a bit rough, but I've been worse for sure. I am just glad to be on the other side of it and the thought of not having to go get knocked down again in 2 weeks is beyond thrilling.
I am starting to feel a little better with each passing day. It's going to be a while still before I am back to "normal", but to be finished with chemo is just....well, words cannot describe how wonderful I feel about that. :)

Success!

2012-02-05T18:10:00.008-07:00

*Monday, February 6, 2012 UPDATE- added a video made by my brother at the end of the post.*
It's hard to believe that this day had finally come.
When I started the chemo journey, February 1st seemed like it was a million years away. After so many days of exhaustion and yuckiness, I can finally say that I am done with chemo! Hooray!!!!!!!!!

I had the whole crew there to celebrate with me. We checked the kids out of school for the afternoon. Mama only gets to ring the chemo bell once ya know.
My girls were all ready to assist me in the bell ringing.
We took hold of the rope and started ringing to our hearts content.
That is, until the bell fell off the wall and right on top of little Abbie's hand.
Not a pleasant experience for her, but we showed that bell- and more importantly- the cancer, who was boss.

Then it was off to our house for the much anticipated "End of Chemo" party.
My adrenaline was flowing pretty freely by this point and I was feeling pretty good.
I had gone over this moment of driving home from my last chemo treatment many times in my head. It always ended with a big celebration. But I had NO idea just how big the celebration would actually be.
We turned down our street to find the road lined with balloons- pink balloons of course. As we came closer to our home, I really could not believe my eyes.
Was this really my house?
This explosion of pink?
My dear friends had gone above and beyond the call of duty for sure.
Then I stepped inside...

We were a little later than planned so there were already people there.
So many people that I love and appreciate so much and right in the midst of them, my best friend from high school, Melissa, who had driven 4 hours just to come to the party and then drive 4 hours back home. They didn't even give me a chance. The tears started flowing immediately.

From that moment of hugging Melissa until about 9 pm that night- it was non stop partying. I really was beside myself with joy. People just kept coming and I could not believe that all of these people would take a few moments out of their busy lives to stop by and celebrate with me and my little family. My home was filled with treats, laughter, hugging, tears, and it looked like it had been bathed in Pepto-Bismol. ;)
But it was absolutely perfect.

I have to tell my good friend, Jenn, how much I appreciate her for planning this shin-dig. She will always hold a special place in my heart. Love ya Jenn!
I also have to say thank you so much to Kelli and Lyndsey for being my "flower and treat" gals and making sure that everything that was being brought was being put where it needed to be.
Of course, to my family who had come from far and near- I love you all so much.
Thank you for your never-ending love and support.
You are all amazing.

I wish that I could name everyone who came, but between chemo brain and not wanting to make this post 20 miles long, I am going to have to just say
THANK YOU to all of you from the bottom of my heart.
I love you all so, so much.

So we close the first chapter of this, my journey with breast cancer. It was a very long chapter filled with intense twists and turns. But it was also filled with so much love and moments of Christlike service. It was a chapter that could not have been skipped. There are still more chapters to come, but making it through this first one gives me so much hope to carry on.
I can do this.
I almost forgot the scoreboard!
Last count was
Des (and family & friends) 100 Cancer- 6
It's hard to determine exact numbers, but I think that
Des 1,000 Cancer- 6
sounds just about right. :)

*Short video put together by my little brother.* :)

Sneak Peek

2012-01-31T21:37:00.003-07:00

I know most of you have seen these on Facebook, but some of you are not on Facebook or may not have seen them there so I wanted to share them here on my blog. My good friend, Lyndsey, set me up with her amazing photographer cousin, Holly Robinson. We had a little girls day out and went and took some pictures.

And I have to say....I love them so much.

Holly did an amazing job and these are only a few that she took. She is working some more Photoshop magic and will send me the rest when she can. Then I will post some more. I am so excited to see them.

I love the ones with my cute girls. The pictures really captured their personalities.

I was not planning on getting professional pictures of my bald little head, but once again, my sweet friends stepped in and said, "You have too!" So I succumbed to the peer pressure and did it, and I have to say, I am very glad that I did.
The pictures are really, really beautiful and if they inspire or help even one person going through something like this then it was worth it.

Tomorrow's the big day! Last chemo treatment ever! Wahoo!
It's hard to believe that this portion is almost over.
It feels like we just started- yet it feels like I have been doing this chemo gig for ages.
I will be glad to have it behind me.

And...let us not forget....we have a party to attend!
Hope you all will feel welcome to come. I really could not have made it this far on my journey through cancer without your love and support. Every comment, every email. You know they have touched me and helped me. Even those who don't leave comments. It is amazing to me when I look at my blog stats and see that my little blog has been viewed over 2400 times in the past month. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.
Lots of people wanting to follow my crazy life and I cannot believe it.
I will try to keep it interesting folks. :)
Thank you for loving me through this.

It's Time to Party- Pink Style

2012-01-22T14:36:00.005-07:00

*Jan. 24, 2012-UPDATE- If you are planning on attending the party, but are not on Facebook to RSVP, will you please leave a comment on this post saying that you will be there? We just want to have an idea of about how many to plan on. Thanks so much!!*

Thanks to my very sweet friend, Jenn (and many others), I am going to have my party!
Wahoo! I can't wait!

I am posting the invitation on this blog and on Facebook so that everyone who sees it knows that they are invited and welcome to come. It's going to be a day of celebration for sure.

Just a few things...
*It is an Open House so come any time you can*
*As mentioned on the invite, I am still going to be tired ( I will have just had my last treatment after all) and I am still very susceptible to any germs. So as much as I would love to visit with everyone for hours, we are going to have to make these short visits. Come and have some yummy treats, take a few pictures, laugh, hug, all that kind of fun stuff.*
*Because my blood count will be low, if you or your kids have any sort of sniffle or anything, let's plan another time for you to visit. I would love to see you, but I REALLY don't want to get sick. It's no fun to even have a cold while on chemo.*

I wanted to have this party so that I can tell you all- face to face- how much you all mean to me and how thankful I am to have such an amazing support system.

I can't wait to see you all!

17 days

2012-01-15T15:08:00.006-07:00

My brain is a little foggy at the moment so I apologize now for anything I may write in this post that sounds weird.
I gave in and took some of my anti-nausea meds before church and now I am a bit loopy.

I just wanted to put down a few thoughts as I near the end of this stage in the game.

Back on September 28 when I started chemo- February 1 seemed like a million miles away. Now it is less then one month away- 17 days to be exact.
17 days and I will have the last of the poison injected into my body.
17 days and I will still have to suffer the initial side effects that come with every round, but I will be a free woman.
17 days and there is gonna be some major bell ringing happening at Utah Cancer Specialists.

I am excited, yes, but still facing reality as I am in bed on a beautiful Sunday afternoon suffering from the effects of treatment #7. I made it to church and made it through lunch and now, I will be lazy as my body aches and complains about all that has happened to it in the last few months. Poor body- hang in there. We're almost through with one leg of the journey.

And we have a party to plan. :)

I am envisioning lots of family and friends, pink balloons and streamers, pink cupcakes, pink drinks- laughing and hugging, maybe some crying, but they will be tears of joy. And maybe, just maybe some dancing to celebrate.

Oh yes, there must be a party. Which will probably end up just being a beautiful party in my head because I won't have the strength and stamina to plan such a grand event, but there will be a party indeed.

Now, it's time to give in to the nausea meds and take a little snooze.
One balloon, two balloons, three balloons...:)

Smell the soap

2012-01-10T21:31:00.006-07:00

I have been thinking about some things lately and I am sorry, but I am going to have to get up on my soapbox for a bit.

This little thing called cancer is not such a little thing anymore.
I saw a statistic somewhere that said that 1 in 8 people will have some form of cancer in their lifetime. That is a very scary statistic.

85% of women who have breast cancer have no history of it in their family.

A lot of cancers are curable if found in the early stages- even at later stages like mine, there is so much more hope of surviving cancer. It is definitely not a death sentence like it used to be.

That said....here is what I am going to say to you.

Please take care of yourselves.
Get your mammograms, colonoscopies, blood pressure and cholesterol checks, PAP smears, prostate exams, etc.
Listen to your body and that "still, small voice" within you. If you feel uneasy about something that doesn't seem quite right- don't wait. Get it checked out.
Here is a link to the MayoClinic. They have a great tool that has you put in your gender and age and it tells you what tests you should be getting.
MayoClinic Health Screening

Now here is what I would like to insurance companies and doctors or anyone who has anything to do with that.
Let people get screened early if they choose.
Let's start spending some money on preventative measures instead of spending a ton more money on treatments after the fact.
It is still the recommendation for women who have no history of breast cancer to get their first mammogram at age 40.
Well guess what folks- if I hadn't found a lump- I would not be here for my 40th birthday. That is a very sobering thought.
If 85% of women who get breast cancer have no history of breast cancer then why are we making them wait until they turn 40 to have a mammogram?

I hope that your insurance company or doctors will not give you a problem if you request to be screened for something- whether you have a history or not.

One more thing- I am a big fan of the many non-profit organizations that do so many great things to raise money for cancer research. They have made great strides in the treatments and in helping people fight and win this battle.
I am all for finding a cure.
But let's put a little more of that money in finding the cause.
Why are we getting this cancer in the first place?
If we can find the cause(s)- maybe we won't need a cure.
Maybe we can catch it before it starts or change things in our lives so we can prevent it.

Now even with all of that said- I know that this cancer is part of the plan for me.
It is one of the many trials that I must face and overcome in my life.
It's no picnic- but I have learned and continue to learn so much from it.

*I have learned that I need to simplify my life- a lot.
*I should be spending more time with my kids and less time "getting my craft on" or doing one of the hundreds of other little things that I tend to fill my life with.
*It's okay to take naps- or even sit down for a few minutes and just do nothing.
*Playing a game with my kids is not wasting time- it's creating memories and letting them know that they are more important to me then my vinyl cutting machine or sewing machine.

So as much as I loathe and detest this cancer- this enemy that has made me alter my life for a year or more- I am thankful for the things that it has brought to my attention. I am thankful that it has given me an opportunity to be an advocate for people like me who are fighting to win their battles- with any disease. I am thankful that it has given me the opportunity to share my love for my Savior with so many more people than I ever could have imagined.

I still think I detest it more than I am thankful for it.
Chemo #7 tomorrow.
That means after tomorrow I will have 1 more and I will be able to say goodbye to chemo. That will be a very happy day, a day of celebration.
Hmm, I am going to have to get my "creative juices" flowing to come up with some celebratory activities for that day because you know I am going to be partying the whole day. :)

True Princess

2012-01-08T09:31:00.005-07:00

Have I mentioned how overwhelmed I feel with all of the love that surrounds me these days? It seems like every time I check my Facebook or email or blog, there is something waiting for me that makes me
smile,
laugh, or
cry happy tears.

Just last night I had one of those moments while checking Facebook.
(Thank you Mateah!)
Now the picture that I will post is not exactly the one that Mateah posted on my wall. I had to fix it up a bit so I could send it to all of my sisters in the Young Survivor Sisters group. But I am absolutely in love with it.

I don't know where she found it or who has photo-shopped it, but I love it.

Not only is it adorable and makes me and my girls smile, but it has reminded me of one very important fact...

I am a True Princess.
A Daughter of a Living King.

I am a child of God, we all are. He loves us and knows us and wants us to be happy. This time that we have here on earth is a time for us to face trials and tribulations so that we can learn all of the things that He needs us to learn, but more importantly- it is a time for us to be happy and experience great joy.

The real test is- how do we feel that happiness and joy in the middle of our trials and tribulations? It's not easy. Some days we just don't want to feel joy, we want to wallow in self pity. It's okay to have some days like that, we all do.
But I hope that those days do not outnumber the days where you experience joy.

There are so many things that have brought me joy during this trial, I don't think I could list them all individually. But here are a few...

*My faith in God and His Son, Jesus Christ*
*My family- immediate and extended*
*My friends*
*People who I don't even really know*
*Warm hats*
*My bath tub*
*My ability to make music*

All of these things and more help me to rise above the sad days.
I hope that you can take a moment to think about the things that bring you joy in the midst of your trials. I promise you that if you do that, the trial won't seem so bad.

Just Peachy

2012-01-03T21:49:00.007-07:00

It's official- I am no longer bald.

If you look closely you will see that my head looks like a peach- all fuzzy and cute.

I tried to take a picture, but it didn't turn out very well. I will have to wait for it to get a little bit longer- but it's there, trying it's hardest to grow after being poisoned.

I am ready for it too. The scarves and hats have been fun, but the "funness" (I just made up a new word) is wearing off.

Remember my list of positives about losing hair?
(Go here to refresh your memory)
Those things are all great and I enjoyed it for a little while, but I am ready....

I am ready to have a bad hair day.
I am ready to braid my hair,
pull it up in a pony tail,
curl it,
straighten it,
blow dry it,
have it colored,
scream when it doesn't do what I want it to do-
you name it,
I am ready for it.

I realize it will take a while for it to get to the point where I can do any of those things and I will have to patient for a while longer, but the fuzz is exciting. :)

Holiday Happenings

2011-12-30T19:12:00.004-07:00

What a whirlwind week it has been! Christmas vacation just started and now it's almost over. But what a fun vacation it has been.
It started out with our annual trip to the zoo on Christmas Eve.

It was a beautiful day and the kids were so excited. I was feeling okay, but we decided to rent a wheelchair so I wouldn't wear myself out. I am surprised that I survived that trip to the zoo. The wheelchair itself looked and felt as though it was going to fall apart any minute. Then, of course everyone wanted a turn to push mom in the wheelchair because that's not something you get to do everyday.

I think I became up close and personal with every wood railing at the zoo.

I guess I should just be glad that they didn't send me careening down the numerous hills that are at our zoo. It was comical to say the least.

That night we had dinner with Mark's family and watched the kids as they presented the annual Ogden Family Nativity.
Then we went home to open the PJ presents, finish reading "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever", and have a great little family discussion about the true meaning of Christmas~ the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

It's finally here! Christmas morning! Actually, I feel like we just celebrated Christmas. Add that to no snow on the ground and my mind preoccupied with other things~ it made for an interesting Christmas. I was not as "into it" as I usually am.
It was still fun and we still had a great time together as a family, but just not quite the same.

Ellie was the first one up at about 4:30. I said, "No way, go back to bed". Then I had to wake them all up at 6 am. We had a 9 am Sacrament meeting to get to. So we opened our presents, had breakfast, and got all prettied up for church.

Even though it is a little tricky to get ready for church when there is so much excitement, I love it when we get to go to church on Christmas. It really helps you focus on the true meaning of the holiday.

After church, we came home, finished packing up some suitcases and headed down south where it was sunnier~ not warmer~ just sunnier.
It was so great to be together with my whole family.
I miss my family so much. I wish we could all live close like Mark's family does so we could see each other more.

But we just tried to enjoy the short time we had together.
We had a very yummy dinner fixed by my awesome parents.
Then we were lucky to be able to watch the 1st ever Fowlks Family Nativity.
This was the first year we had kids that are old enough to all participate.
Poor little Haiven had a nasty flu bug, but she made a cute angel anyway.

There was more gift opening and lots of "Just Dancing" on the Wii.
The kids really got into it and it was so much fun to watch them.
I really wanted to participate more~ I love the Just Dance games~ but sadly, after about 2 songs, my energy level was depleted.
I had to take lots of pain meds that night, but it was worth it. I love that game.

Another Christmas has come and gone.
The next one will be here before we know it.
Which I usually hate, but really don't mind because that means that I will be cancer free and (hopefully) done with all of my surgeries.
That will be a very merry Christmas indeed.

My Christmas Wish

2011-12-23T21:01:00.003-07:00

Well another chemo treatment behind me.
I had my 2nd Taxotere treatment on Wednesday (21st). It went well. It is definitely a little easier to go in now that I don't have that nasty red chemo flowing through my veins. But it still stinks to have to go in at all.

This means that I am down to 2 more treatments. Slowly, but surely the end of chemo is drawing near and I will not miss it at all. The only tears that will be shed are tears of joy as I get to ring that little bell at the end of the chemo hall.

I have titled this post "My Christmas Wish" and here it is.
My only wish is that I can take enough tylonol and ibuprofen to keep these nasty body aches away so I can enjoy this Christmas weekend. It is Friday night and I am starting to feel the familiar aches and pains that slowly crept into my life 3 weeks ago.
The pains that kept me in bed pretty much all that weekend.

I can't stay in bed this weekend.
Not with kids who are bursting with excitement every minute of the day.
Christmas is coming and I love everything about it!
We have a tradition of going to the zoo on Christmas Eve day and by golly, we will be there tomorrow with me in a wheelchair if necessary.
This cancer is not going to destroy beloved traditions.

I have my whole side of the family waiting for us down south where it is a bit warmer and I plan to make that trek down there after church on Sunday if it means Mark has to knock me out with a sledgehammer or something.

This cancer has changed too many of my plans this year, but I am digging my heels in on this one. It WILL NOT ruin my Christmas. My kids are not going to remember this Christmas with their mommy sick in bed. They are going to remember it as the year that we kicked cancer to the curb while we enjoyed our Christmas.

So Merry Christmas cancer! I hope you enjoy watching from the sidelines as we celebrate the birth of our Savior. My Savior who has carried me through the awful times. My Savior who knows how badly I want this trial to be over, but since it can't be quite yet, he will walk with me to the bitter end.

Enjoy this year cancer- because next year, you will be gone.

Fourteen and Forever

2011-12-19T13:08:00.003-07:00

Just a quick little post to commemorate this beautiful day.
Fourteen years ago, Mark and I started our forever family.
It was a very cold day and we were pretty much frozen by the time we were done taking pictures.
We chose December because it was in between Mark's school semesters and we didn't want to wait until spring.
We probably wouldn't have had red noses in all of our pictures if we would have waited until spring. ;)

Look at those baby faces!
I can't believe how young we look!
Ok- so we were young, but still!
I remember that it was a crazy, busy day- but everything was so beautiful and it was really one of the best days of my life.
The temple was beautiful and I remember having such a wonderful feeling of peace and joy. I knew that I was there with my soul mate and that we were beginning a journey that will last forever.
(Click here if you want to learn more about how families can be together forever.)

Now here we are, 14 years later.

We decided to have a little mini vacation over the weekend.
It was so nice to take a break from reality for a few days and just be together.
We stayed at the Zermatt Resort in Midway. We went swimming in the Crater (that's what the first two pictures are.) Not a great place to take pictures, and honestly, I was a bit creeped out by the place. But we had a fun time and the water was so warm! The perfect temperature. It was REALLY hard to get out and back into the cold air. Did not like that part.
We went shopping in Park City, ate lots of food and just had a relaxing time. It was wonderful. I am so glad that I was feeling good so that I could enjoy it.

Now it's back to reality-
4 kiddos, a dog and 6 chickens
a husband who is busy with work and church service
Christmas right around the corner (YAY!)
chemo treatment number 6 in a couple of days. (BOO!)

Not quite the reality I had imagined for myself 14 years ago, but I will take it.
My kids are healthy, my husband is healthy and they take such good care of me.
We have a warm home, plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear.
We get to enjoy the Christmas season with our family and friends.
We live in a land of freedom and opportunity.
I have amazing doctors who have helped me so much and have given me the opportunity to continue my life here on earth- to raise my kids- and be with my sweetheart.
How did I get so lucky?

Blood sister (or brother)

2011-12-08T20:00:00.005-07:00

Today I had another first.
One more thing to cross off the old bucket list (although I don't think a blood transfusion was on my list.)
Oh well, I love me a good list that I can cross something off of. :)

I went in for a check-up yesterday and my blood count was really low.
Normal red cell count should be between 37-48~ mine was 25 yesterday. Not good. No wonder I have felt so yucky.

I spent most of the day at the hospital having a stranger's blood pumped through my veins. So I now have a blood sister (or brother). I have only donated blood one time and I almost passed out. That is why I have not been back. But I am so thankful for the people who do donate blood on a regular basis (like my sweet hubby). I am hoping that this stranger's blood will give me the boost that I need.

The process isn't painful or anything, just long.
I checked in about 11:15 am and they took me to a room. I was expecting a room full of recliners like the chemo, so having my own room was a pleasant surprise. They had to take what felt like half of my blood first to see if I have any bacteria in it since I have been running a low fever. Then they hooked me up to the good stuff and we settled in for the wait.
I had 2 units of blood. Each unit takes about 2 hours. They gave me Benadryl as a precautionary thing so I took a good little nap for the first portion.
It was nice to just have a few hours of quiet with Mark. (Although it's never really noisy with just Mark around. ;)
It was nice to be able to chat with him and just have my best friend by my side.
I love him so much. I hate that I have to be another burden on his shoulders, even though I know he doesn't feel that way.
He just loves me and he can always make me laugh when I am feeling down.

Hopefully I won't need another transfusion.
3 more treatments to go and then I can say Ba-Bye to chemo!
I usually don't like time to pass quickly because it makes my kids grow that much more, but I would like February 1st to be here tomorrow please.

I discovered what I feel like today. A Bop Bag. Do you know what that is? I found a picture of one that fits me perfectly. Well, the "bad hair year" me anyway...

You know how these work. You can punch them and punch them and they have no choice but to come back up and get punched again and again.
That's me.
Trial after trial, challenge after challenge.
I have no choice but to stand upright and face them head on.
As long as there is a stable base, I will keep coming back for more.
What is my base?
My Savior, Jesus Christ
My Family
My Friends
They keep me going. They help me take each punch. They help me stand upright when I feel like I can't stand anymore.
I've said it before, but I will say it again.
I am one lucky gal.

Five?!?! Come on!

2011-12-05T20:54:00.003-07:00

How in the world can it be that my baby is 5 years old?
It was really only 5 years ago that she looked like this?
The best Christmas present ever?

Now she is still just as cute- possibly even cuter. ;)
She was always the best baby. I often joke that's why we stopped with her, but it's no joke. I wanted to end on a high note and boy did we ever. She is practically the perfect child.
The only bummer thing about her birthday is that because of the stupid "C" word, we had to change some very fun things we were planning. It's her "magic birthday" (she turned 5 on the 5th) and so we had a big surprise in store for the kiddos. I can't divulge what that was because when this ride is all over, we are still planning on surprising them but let's just say we are supposed to be in a much warmer climate at a very magical place right now. :(

I am still trying to regain some strength back after the weekend. I really wanted to do something fun like ice skating or swimming or something, but we had to change those plans- again because of the stupid "C" word. Fortunately Ellie has always been one to go with the flow, so she was content to have a low key day.

So we went shopping at Target with Grandma Ogden and Penny, and watched movies all afternoon. I had every intention of making her a cake~ I even baked one on Sunday~ but when it came right down to it, I just didn't have the energy. So we picked one up at Target and she loved it.

She wanted spaghetti and meatballs for dinner- so daddy picked up Noodles and Company on his way home from work. We opened presents with Grandma Fowlks watching via Skype, ate some cake, and watched the Amazing Race.

A pretty successful birthday and she is as happy as a clam.

*I just have to mention one thing- you'll notice the title says "Five?!?! Come on!" For some reason, she has started saying, "Oh come on!" after almost everything.
Ellie: "Mommy can I open my presents now?"
Me: "No, wait until daddy comes home."
Ellie: "Oh, come on!"
You get the picture. It's darn cute.

Happy Birthday cute Ellie! I am so happy that you are my caboose and my little buddy. I am going to miss you next year when you go to Kindergarten, but I am glad that we still have a few months left to enjoy together.

No Immune System = NO FUN!

2011-12-04T13:45:00.002-07:00

Winter is definitely not a great time to have no immune system.
I have been trying to fight off a simple cold for almost a month now and this weekend it took a nasty turn.
Add that to some side effects from Mr. Taxotere= a weekend stuck in bed.

I felt so good Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday after my first Taxotere treatment. I was really surprised and actually just waiting for something to go wrong. I knew it was too good to be true.

Somewhere in the middle of the night Friday, the chemo kicked in and I woke up with aches all over. It felt like every muscle and joint in my body was hurting. On top of that, the cold that I thought was almost gone, decided to stick around for a while.
So Saturday was spent in bed, being waited on hand and foot by my sweet husband and amazing kids. I really was amazed at my kids. Not once did they complain that mom was in bed and plans had to be changed. They were just concerned about me and hated to see me that way. That is not the mom they are used to. They are such great kids. I am one lucky mama.

Saturday night brought more aches and pains and now I think I have an ear infection. I called my doctor's office today and they finally gave me the go ahead to start taking my back up antibiotics. I couldn't take that pill fast enough.

So now I am having another lazy day at home- which isn't all bad. It gives me time to snuggle with my cute little almost 5-year old Ellie. (It is her birthday tomorrow.)
The aches are subsiding and my congestion is not as bad.
Another storm has passed and life is good.

Good News, One More Down & a Golden Anniversary

2011-11-30T13:37:00.005-07:00

Well, I made it.
Was totally dreading it, but I made it through.
One more chemo treatment down- 3 more to go.
And then I will be chemo free!!!!!!
As you exit the chemo room, there is a bell hanging on the wall.
You get to ring that bell when you have your last chemo treatment and
I....can't....wait!
February 1st better get here fast.

I know everyone is dying to know the PET scan results- as was I.
Good news folks! The doctor said that the 2nd scan was very much improved. Not much left at all and it still hasn't spread anywhere else.
(If you could see me right now, I'd be doin' a little happy dance)
So as much as it pains me to say it...Thank you Mr. Red Devil for killing most of those little buggers. Just don't let the door hit you on the way out! Ba-bye!
And welcome to Mr. Taxotere. If you treat me nicely while you kill the rest of the cancer bugs, I will make sure you are treated nicely on the way out the door too. :)

Huge, huge, sigh of relief.
I am definitely winning this battle.
It has already been long and will go on for much longer, but I am winning and that's all that matters.

Now on a REALLY happy note.
Wanted to share a little story about 2 amazing people in my life.
Let's call one- Norm and the other one- Karen.
Norm asked Karen a little over 50 years ago if "she wanted to go waste some gas".
Karen said yes and the rest is history.....50 years worth of history to be exact.
Norm fell in love with Karen for many reasons- the best one being that she made a really good loaf of bread (ha ha she will know what I mean). Her bread making has improved by leaps and bounds and today she makes amazing bread.
Karen fell in love for many reasons as well. But she really loved how well he could do an up-do. He was one fancy hair stylist back in the day.

Now they have been together for 50 years- had 6 children- and now have 21 grandkids, 2 grand-sons-in-law, and lots and lots of people who love them and think they are simply wonderful.

They had a family party last week to celebrate and I wanted to share a few things from the night.

The party was a smashing success. Yummy food, surrounded by all of the people Norm and Karen love the most. It was a fantastic night and we put together a great little program as well. I will upload 3 videos.

1st video- I had the privilege of singing a song to the 2 love birds so the first video is just my song. (Sorry the music volume is a little low. Singing in the church cultural hall presents a few problems :) I also noticed that I didn't edit very well. It goes on a little bit after I sing. You can just stop it when the song is done.

2nd Video- This is just clips from stuff that happened at the party- Julie reading a poem, Dan giving a tribute and Karen saying a few words. (I am posting this for the family members who were not able to be there, but anyone who wants to is welcome to watch it. :)

3rd Video- This is a video Mark and I put together to showcase what the past 50 years have brought to Norm and Karen's lives. Pretty fun to watch and see styles come and go.

Happy Anniversary to our Mom and Dad! We love you so much! Thank you for all that you do.

Turkey Day

2011-11-26T13:31:00.003-07:00

Thanksgiving for us was fantastic this year.
I was feeling pretty good and everyone else was healthy so we all filled our bellies with Thanksgiving yumminess.
Here is a picture of something that I found on Pinterest.
It is our Thankful Tree.

Here are some of the things we had on our thankful tree...

Mark: "Beautiful, supportive wife" (I like that one.) "Friends & family who have served us."
Des: "Side effect medications", "chocolate" and "The gospel of Jesus Christ"
Josh: "Every molecule in my body", "Chinese food (especially pot stickers)"
Emma: "The world, food and water" & "missionaries to teach us"
Abbie: "I'm thankful for my family and me!" & "I'm thankful for my school and the church and the Bishop."
Ellie: "the Bishop" & "chemo to kill cancer"

We celebrated Thanksgiving at Mark's parents house this year. I have to mention one other thing that I am so thankful for~ amazing in-laws.
I don't know how I lucked out to have such a wonderful in-law family. We have so much fun together and really love being together. I love it.

My parents also came up this year because for the first time, they had an empty house! Kind of weird. It was really fun to have them here. They ate dinner at my grandparents house, but they stayed at ours so we had fun visiting, shopping, playing, and going to a movie.
I am so thankful to have been blessed with amazing parents as well. They are so supportive of me and Mark. I have such great childhood memories and that is because of them.
I know I have already said many times how much I am thankful for my wonderful husband, but I will say it again. I am such a lucky gal.

I hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings and were able to take time to reflect on the things that you are grateful for.

Now I have to get geared up for the next phase of my battle.
I start my next chemo med on Wednesday and will find out the results of my PET scan. This med will be given every 3 weeks. It will be nice to have an extra week in between, but I almost wish that it could be every 2 weeks just to get it over with. I will keep you posted!

One more thing before I sign off-
I can't leave before expressing my gratitude to all of you who read this blog and who have been so supportive through this battle. I couldn't do it without you. I love to read your comments. It really boosts my spirit and gives me the strength to forge ahead. I will never be able to thank you enough.

Time Out For Women

2011-11-20T14:18:00.004-07:00

I love it when it is a Time Out for Women weekend.
This was my 3rd year going and once again, I came away feeling rejuvenated and refreshed- ready to conquer the world again.
The speakers are always wonderful and amazing.
This year we had the opportunity to listen to
Hilary Weeks
Brad Wilcox
Sheri Dew
Stephanie Nielson
Emily Watts
Michael Wilcox
Wendy Ulrich
Laurel Christensen

Just a little bit about the above pictures (from left to right)
1. Me and my sister, Brittany
2. Me and Hilary Weeks :)- songwriter extraordinaire. When I grow up I want to be like her.
3. Our TOFW group- Jenny (friend), my mom, Brittany (sister), my mom-in-law, me, Chantelle (sis-in-law), and Laurel (friend)
4. Mom and Chantelle

As I mentioned before, I always come away from this weekend feeling refreshed. Here are a few things that stuck out in my mind...

Brad Wilcox- "This life is about becoming better. The motivation comes when we look at the goal and not at the path. God is not the light at the end of the tunnel, but the enabling power to get us through the tunnel."

Stephanie Nielsen- "I chose to recover. I chose to remember that I am a daughter of God. I chose to become me and that's good enough."

Emily Watts- The Habits of Happiness
1- Develop a thick skin- we can't control how other people judge us, but we can control how we react.
2- Expect hard things of yourself and your children. That's how we grow.
3- Give your children the stability of a few, well-chosen traditions.
4- Learn to think of yourself as a person. Make sure you take care of yourself.
5- Catch your children doing something right and praise them for it.

Michael Wilcox- "The secret to becoming is learning."

Wendy Ulrich- "Savor every day delights."

I love being a woman. I love being a daughter of God- a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me. I love having opportunities to learn and grow and become more like my Savior. I love being a wife and mother. These are the things I treasure most in this world and I am so grateful to have been blessed with more time on this earth to enjoy these things and to work on becoming better.

Waiting...

2011-11-17T20:20:00.003-07:00

Well, it's time to play another waiting game.
But I am getting really good at it.

I went in for a second PET scan today to see the progress we have made with the first round of chemo.
Technically I am not scheduled to discuss the results of that with my doctor until I go in for the next round of chemo on the 30th of this month.
But I am just not sure if I will be able to wait that long.

I may be making a phone call next week.

While we are all waiting...why not check out this little video.
I loved it. I hope you will too.

Stuck in a Rut

2011-11-15T20:33:00.004-07:00

Today has been a better day.
Well- compared to Saturday anyway.
Still not feeling fantastic in any way, shape or form- but I am managing to fumble my way through the days.

So I thought since I was feeling okay today I would try to get in the songwriting mood.
I have actually been trying for a while now and have a song in the works, but each time I pull it out to work on it, I get stuck in the same rut.

The rut of- I really don't know what I am doing.
I have songs in my heart that I want to get out, but my mind won't communicate with my hand to write it down on the paper. Everything is starting to sound the same and boring.
It's very frustrating.
One thing that excited me (just a little bit) about having to take some time off this year was that I was hoping to use it to focus on writing more songs.

But I think my chemo brain is getting in the way... :/

Anybody know of any songwriters who maybe actually know what they are doing and would be willing to tutor me? :)
I just need a little nudge in the right direction. Okay probably more like a big nudge, but a nudge nonetheless.

The Second Rock Bottom

2011-11-13T09:00:00.003-07:00

If you have been following my cancer journey, you may remember this post
The First Rock Bottom.
In that post I mentioned that it would not be the last rock bottom I would hit before this journey is through, and man, I hate it when I am right.

Yesterday will be known as the Second Rock Bottom.

This 4th treatment has really been a whopper. I don't know if it is because my blood counts are lower so my body can't handle it as well or just the fact that it is poison in my body- but whatever the reason, it has not been nice.
I have had to take my anti-nausea meds a little bit more, but the big thing has been the no energy to do anything. I pretty much was in bed all day yesterday and I was a grumpy mama. I apologize to my wonderful hubby and my cute kiddos because they were such troopers yesterday while I was being so grumpy.

Not only did I have no energy, but sitting in bed all day is not good for me because then the depression sets in. I am not a "sit in bed all day" kind of gal, and so it is hard for me to do that. So all I did yesterday was wallow.

I wallowed in the fact that I don't want to do this anymore.
"Hey cancer- it was fun while it lasted, but I am done."

I worried that I still might lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. I am having a harder time with this then the actual "hair on my head loss". Ok, so eyebrows maybe not such a big deal. I can always pencil those on, right? And maybe have some fun with it...
"Uh oh- mommy's got her angry eyebrows on today. Watch out!"
But the eyelashes? I can't fake that. I can't wear fake ones because of the risk of infection so it really just freaks me out a bit to think of myself with no eyelashes.

I tried to look on the bright side of things- no more Red Devil, one step closer and all that, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I have one more round of chemo to go. Yes, the side effects are different and maybe not as bad, but they still are not pleasant.
Possibly losing fingernails or toenails
Neuropathy in my hands and feet
Abdominal cramping
Muscle aches
Oh, and more fatigue.
I am pretty much going to be a puddle on the floor when this chemo business is all over.

Here is the part that kills me the most-
having my kids come to my bedside in tears because this is not their mommy.
This is not how their mommy usually acts and there is nothing they can do about it.
The same goes for Mark. I know that he hates to see me this way and feels helpless because there is nothing he can really do either.

Cancer just sucks- plain and simple.
I am ready to use my "Get out of Jail Free" card now.

First to Last

2011-11-10T15:57:00.005-07:00

It was very interesting yesterday getting my last Red Devil treatment.
It was very different than the first.

First feelings:
*A little nervous and anxious from the unknown
*Relieved to finally be doing something to get rid of the cancer
*Not particularly scared of the red substance they are putting inside me
*Felt pretty good all things considered for most of the following days

Last feelings:
*Dreaded going to the treatment center
*Hating all of the familiar smells
*Dragging my feet everywhere we go
*Not as talkative to the sweet nurses and doctors who work there
*Could not even look at any of the meds they were putting in me without feeling ill
*Couldn't wait until it was over with so I could go home to bed

Usually on the night of my treatment I don't feel too badly. But that wasn't the case last night. Last night I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was downing my nausea pills even though I had been pumped full of anti-nausea meds before the chemo. And I still felt like I was going to throw up- I didn't, thank goodness- but that was the closest I have been during this whole time. I was down and out for the count.
Good thing I have wonderful people lined up to bring dinners,
an amazing husband who takes good care of me,
equally amazing kids who are patient with this whole situation and still go through the nightly routine without mom helping.

Today I feel much better. I am very tired. My red blood count is lower than it has been. I will get it checked again next week and will hopefully be up more so they don't have to do a blood transfusion. (Yuck.)

But I am so happy to say that I am done with the "RED DEVIL"!
Step 2 completed. (Step 1 was the Lumpectomy just in case you were wondering :)
I will have another PET scan next Thursday to see how much progress we made in killing these little cancer buggers.
I have dreams at night that the scan shows absolutely nothing and the doctor says, "Well it looks like we won't have to do the next round of chemo."
Ya- only in my dreams will that happen. But it would be a nice dream to come true for sure.

I also have a little change in the original schedule of things (just in case anybody cares).
I was going to do chemo, radiation, surgery.
But after talking to 4 amazing doctors- oncologist, surgeon, plastic surgeon, and radiation oncologist- we have decided that the better route will be
chemo, surgery, radiation and a few months down the road- completed surgery.

That means that once I finish with the next round of chemo in February, I will wait 4-6 weeks for my immune system to recover somewhat. Then I will have the mastectomy- one or both- I haven't decided yet. It is completely up to me if I want them to take the healthy side and I really am struggling with this decision. But that's for another blog post.
During the mastectomy, the plastic surgeon will insert spacers to save space for the implants that will eventually make their new home there.
Then I will have 6 weeks of radiation- 5 days a week.
Then we will wait 1-3 months to see how my skin and muscle recovers from the radiation and I will have another surgery to replace the spacers with implants.
THEN- my journey with cancer will be pretty much complete.

So I still have kind of a long road ahead, but we are making progress for sure.
I almost forgot about my little cancer score board.
So last time it was
Des (& family & friends)- 80 Cancer- 4
I would have to say that cancer has scored a couple more points just because it made me have to have chemo which makes me feel yucky- but I am finished with one round and I have had so many acts of kindness from my friend and family that we get a lot more points.
Des, family & friends- 100 Cancer- 6
Sa-weet! I like that scoreboard!
Here's to kicking that cancer out of here!

Chemo Brain Strikes Again!

2011-11-06T16:21:00.005-07:00

I thought that my memory was bad after having 4 kids.
That was nothing compared to chemo brain.
It's a good thing I have such a great mom who likes to take pictures of her cute grandkids or we would have no pictures from Halloween night.
I even had my camera with me....and still didn't take any pictures.

I did take these pictures when we carved pumpkins a few days before Halloween.
Once again...thankful for my mom. I am not a pumpkin-carving mom. I hate everything about it. The smell, the mess, the goopiness.
Which is weird, because I don't mind making messy, goopy things in preschool....
So we probably only carve pumpkins about every other year.
My kids were really happy that grandma was here this year. :)

I took these pictures on the day that they dressed up for their school parties.
Josh doesn't have school parties anymore now that he is a big grown up kid, so I didn't get a picture of him by himself.

The first picture was taken at the annual Ogden Halloween Party hosted by Mark's brother and his wife. We love the Halloween party. It's always so much fun. This year, Ellie won the costume contest. It was really not fair to everyone else. She's just too stinkin' cute in whatever she wears.
On Halloween we went to the Trunk-or-Treat at the church and then stopped by all of the Grandma's and Grandpa's to get more sugared up.
I am really sad to say that I did not dress up this year.
I usually do...love Halloween and dressing up.
But 2 things got in my way this year....
I really wanted to try and figure out a cool costume to go along with being bald, but I have discovered a little problem. It is really cold to not have anything on my bald head! So that meant a bald costume was out.
Also, I just feel yucky and did not want to put forth the energy to dress up.
So no dressing up for Mom this year....bummer.

What is Halloween without a little witches brew?
There's just something magical about a little dry ice, some sugar, water and root beer flavoring....:)

Ok so this isn't Halloween, but I love how this picture turned out so I had to post it. This was last Sunday- Bishop Sunday :)

I just love this amazing husband of mine. He takes such good care of me and our kids. He works so hard in everything that he does- church, work, being a dad- you name it. He has loved me and supported me through all of my crazy, busy days and now I get to return the favor.
Love you honey- thanks for always making me feel like a queen.

Time to Stretch and Grow

2011-10-29T15:38:00.008-06:00

For those of you who are in our ward or attended our Sacrament Meeting today, this will not be news to you- but I have to share the happy news with all of my other friends. :)
*CAUTION* Lengthy post ahead. Make yourself comfortable!

Let me start off with a quote from Elder Richard G. Scott.
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain."

When I was diagnosed with cancer, Mark and I thought that this would be one of those times in our lives of stretching and growing. We were halfway right.

A few weeks ago, we got a call asking if we would be able to meet with our Stake President. Generally this creates a great deal of anxiety among members of the church because most of the time, the Stake President is not just calling you in to say hi and see how things are going.
It means that there could possibly be some big changes in your life.

But, Mark has a calling with the stake and so do I, so there was the possibility that he wanted to release us from those callings. There was also an adult meeting coming up. He could be asking us to speak at that, right?
Wrong.
Neither of those were the right reasons and deep down inside, we both knew it. Although it was unbelievable to think that the other possibility could really happen to us now.

So as part of this stretching and growing period in our lives, Mark has been called- by the Lord- to be the Bishop of our little Heritage Ward. (One of the greatest wards out there for sure.)
Yep- you read that right- Bishop Mark Ogden.

Now I know to some of you out there, your first reaction to this might be...
"How can they do that to their family right now? Did the Stake President not know that his wife has cancer and that they have 4 kids?"
If that is your reaction, then please hear me out as I answer those questions.

The Stake President is very aware of our family's situation and more importantly, so is the Lord and our Father in Heaven. The Stake President did not call Mark to be the Bishop- the Lord did. The Stake President just extended that call to Mark and I.
And we were more than happy to accept.

Are we crazy? Well...sometimes... yes.
But this has nothing to do with being crazy. It has to do with faith.
We have a great deal of faith in a loving Father in Heaven who knows us, loves us, and wants to help us reach our full potential.
We have faith that the church we belong to- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- is the true church of our Savior, Jesus Christ. He presides over the church and through our prophet, Thomas S. Monson, he gives us instruction on how to live a wonderful life of service.

If you are still reading as I am blabbering on and on, please let me share a scripture with you. It's in the Book of Mormon- 1st Nephi Chapter 9 Verse 6.
"But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words."
The Lord knew that I would have cancer, and He also knew that Mark would need to serve as Bishop of our ward at the same time. He knows us, he knows what we are capable of and even though I have doubts and fears, I know that He will not ask us to do anything that we are not capable of doing.

The key is this- we do not have to do this alone.
Our Savior has provided a way for us to accomplish anything we are asked to do.
It is called the Atonement.

Mark and I are not able to do the things we have been asked to do all by ourselves. We need to trust in the Lord, ask Him for guidance and help. And let Him help us to do the things we have been asked to do.

This reminds me of another scripture in the New Testament
Phillipians 4:13- "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Will this new chapter in our lives be hard? Yes.
Will it be worth it? Absolutely.
Would I have it any other way? Not a chance.

My goal is to return to my Father in Heaven someday to live with Him, my Savior, and my family forever. To do this, we are asked to do things...sometimes hard things... to help us reach our full potential. That is what we have signed up for. That is why we say yes when we know it is the Lord's will for us.

I am sorry if I have sounded a bit preachy in this post. I have thought (and prayed) long and hard about how to share this news and the feelings that come along with it. I know that many of you share my faith and religion, but many of you do not. I love you either way and I hope that you will continue to read my blog and leave your comments of love and support. They do strengthen me on the bad days. I like to go back and read the comments that people have left.

And we will need your love and support now more than ever before.
I have said it before and I will say it again...
I have THE best family and friends. I continue to feel an overwhelming sense of love and support. I do not take that for granted. I feel very lucky and blessed to be surrounded by so much love.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You will never know how much you all mean to me.

A Little of This, A Little of That...

2011-10-28T12:45:00.005-06:00

This is just a random post of some things that I have missed posting about.
This first video is the video of the night we said goodbye to my hair.

This video is a couple of songs from Josh's Halloween Concert this past week. He has been playing the cello for a little over a year now and has surprised us all with how well he is doing. He has found his passion. These were his two favorite songs from the concert
1st: The Evil Eye and the Heart (a song about Edgar Allen Poe's The Tell Tale Heart)
2nd: Attack of the Rosin Eating Zombies from Outerspace

Here are some pictures from the concert. The cute old man with Josh in one of the pictures is his amazing cello teacher, Mr. Archibald. Josh loves him and we think he is fantastic. We had lots of Grandmas & Grandpas join us for the concert as well. It was a great night.

A couple of nights before the concert, we were able to go to Murray Park and listen to Emma read a ghost story she had written for a contest that the city holds every year. She won 2nd place in her division.
Her story is entitled: "The Ghosts Attack Murray for No Reason"

A little further back, the girls had crazy hair day at school and boy did we go crazy. We broke out some old wire hangers and went to town.

And last, but not least, my mom is here helping us again and she has been busy doing some fun stuff with the kids. Today they made Halloween sugar cookies (I told you that she makes the best sugar cookies ever). They had fun decorating and making a big mess. Later we are going to see Puss in Boots and carve Jack O' Lanterns. We love it when Grandma comes to town!

*Just a small cancer note: Had my 3rd treatment of "The Red Devil" on Wednesday. I am starting to feel a lot more fatigue. All of the other symptoms have stayed pretty consistent and as long as I keep on top of my meds, I can handle them ok. I am down to one more "Red Devil" treatment and then I will have another scan to see what everything looks like. Then I will start the next round of chemo, which will still not be pleasant, but we are hoping it will be a little more gentle than this round.

Save a Sister

2011-10-22T09:19:00.004-06:00

Just a quick post and thank you to a few of the ladies in my life that I love so much.
My mom, sister, sis-in-law, and niece are participating in a 5k today in St. George.
I really wish I could be there with them. But we will all be running (ok more like walk/jogging) together in the Race for the Cure in May, right?

So I wasn't planning on crying today, but when they texted me these pictures, the tears started to flow. Especially when I saw this cute little face. Oh my goodness, I love this cute little girl. She is a baldy, just like me and I know that she has held off growing her hair so that we could be twins. :)

So once again, I feel the love. The love of these amazing people that surround me in my life. I am truly blessed to have so much love in my life.

New Look for Abbie

2011-10-19T11:45:00.002-06:00

Yay! Finally a post that is not cancer related!
I just had to post these cute pictures of my little Abbie- who looks way too grown up now that she has joined the ranks of those who wear glasses.

She has 2 new pairs of glasses and they are both super cute.
She thinks she looks like a teacher with them on- that is her teacher face in the first picture.
Not sure which teacher she is trying to imitate here- I don't think any of her teachers have ever pulled a face like that. :)

Ups and Downs

2011-10-17T21:01:00.004-06:00

Life is full of ups and downs.
I already did a post about feeling like I am on the roller coaster ride of a lifetime.
And that ride continues.

Have had a good day today- much better than my last Monday after treatment. It's hard to pinpoint exactly how I feel. The best word to describe it is just YUCKY. I just feel yucky. No energy, but tired of just being tired.

Yesterday was an interesting day. It was the first day I actually had to go somewhere in public with just a scarf on my little, round, bald head.

It was a hard morning.

I did say that I would be saving time by not having to do my hair, right?
Wrong.
Until I get the hang of tying a scarf, it's going to take me just as long to get ready.
Nothing looked right.
I felt like a gypsy.
I tried scarf after scarf with dress after dress with hat after hat and nothing made me feel happy. So what did I do? I finally lost it and the tears started flowing.
This was at 8:45. Church starts at 9:00.

So I said a quick prayer and just tied a darn scarf on my head with a bun in the back. I also had my cute husband following me around, wondering what he could say or do to make me feel better. I know he hated that I was feeling so down and wished there was something he could do. So he got everyone in the car, including the 25 lb. bag of crayons, books, and treats to occupy the munchkins during Sacrament meeting and away we went.
With smiles on our faces.

We made it to church on time- I was able to make it through teaching my Sharing Time Lesson and through taking the Sacrament, then I had Mark take me home. The nausea had kicked in and there is no way that I want to be even close to throwing up in the middle of sacrament meeting. That would be embarrassing.

But I made it. I felt weird and different, but everyone was so sweet. The kids in primary didn't even bat an eye. We had talked about me not having any hair last week and they were totally cool with it.

I love being a member of this church.
I love having a support system of people who love me for who I am on the inside and not what I look like on the outside.
I love having a Savior who knows that I was feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable and helped me to be brave and overcome those feelings.

I can do this. I can do hard things- One Day at a Time.

A Night to Remember

2011-10-13T18:50:00.005-06:00

What an interesting day I had yesterday.
I taught preschool for about a 1/2 hour then turned it over to my sweet neighbor and friend, Jenn, to finish it up for me.
Then it was off to Chemo treatment #2. I have decided that I am splitting the chemo treatments so that means I am halfway through with this nasty stuff. Only 2 more to go! Hooray!

You have already read about my "hair pulling" experience so now I will move on to the party of the night....
"Playing with Mommy's hair"

Everyone was ready to go...even Mei Mei joined in on the fun.
But Ellie, however, chose not to join us. That was the part that broke my heart. She came out of her room with a blanket over her head and when I told her to come out with us, she ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. There were immediate tears on her part and mine. I tried to go in and talk to her, but there was no budging. She did not want to participate at all. So I shed a few more tears and then sucked it up so we could get this over with.

The kids did a great job of shaving my head. We decided to not do the fun things that we had planned- a mohawk, old man's hair. My hair was just so dead that it did not want to participate in any of those fun things. So we did the best we could. And shed a few more tears.

Before we knew it, the pile had been made. I now join the ranks of those who have no hair. I still have a little stubble for now which may or may not fall out. We will see. As you can see by our red faces- it was an emotional night, but I am so thankful that I could share this moment with the ones I love most. I wouldn't have had it any other way. The girls each saved a few pieces of my hair- some brown and some pink.
Then I threw the rest in the garbage.

I had been teasing Josh for a few weeks now, asking him if he would shave his head with me. He loves his longer, shaggy hair and kind of laughed off the suggestion. He was in no way going to participate. But when he could see how emotional I was about doing my own hair, this sweet boy of mine said, "Mom, let's give me a buzz cut." So off we went with the clippers. Didn't take him as short as me, but I so love this boy. He takes such good care of me and I love him for his sweet attitude and for the way he treats me. I am a very lucky mother.

Then it was my cute hubby's turn. Can I just tell you again how much I love this wonderful man? I in no way expected him to shave his head with me, but he did it because he loves me and wants to help me in any way that he can. And ya know what? I like the new look on him, a lot. We had his mom come over to even things out a bit. Mine does not need to be blended, but his does.

So- here we all are. Together with no hair. I even received this picture of my cute dad today. He wanted to do something to help. He knew that last night was tough for us and he wanted to help, so he went to his hair cutting place and long story short, he came out with no hair. Love ya Dad! That means so much to me and I thank you for your love and support.

Just a couple more cute "no hair" pictures. This is me and my beautiful Aunt Cheri. She is my inspiration. She was diagnosed with uterine and lung cancer back in May (I think). She started some very aggressive rounds of chemo. She finished that chemo about a month ago- had a scan this past week and is in remission! Oh and she also just ran the St. George Marathon a couple of weekends ago. Ok, it was more like jogging but she finished it. I want to follow in her footsteps. (Except for the marathon part- I am NOT a runner). I can't wait until I get that paper that says, "You are in remission", and it will happen.

So as hard as this night was for me, I still feel so very blessed.
Shaving my head has made it real for everyone around me.
I now look like a cancer patient and some days, I feel like a cancer patient.
*But I am still Des.
*I am still a mom of 4 amazing and beautiful children.
*I am still a daughter of a loving Father in Heaven who has allowed many guardian angels to be with me through this process.
*I am still a wife of one amazing husband and best friend.
*I am still the daughter of two amazing earthly parents who have taught me to choose the right, to never give up, and to trust in my Father in Heaven when the going gets tough.
*I am still me with this little thing called cancer.
And soon, I will be free of the cancer and I can be just me again
and that will be a beautiful day.

*Just a little note- Ellie is fine with my hair now. By bedtime last night she was able to look at me with no hair and today she has even rubbed my head. Thank goodness.

Tonight's the Night

2011-10-12T14:30:00.006-06:00

I hate to use the same picture again, but I just think it describes perfectly how I feel again.

Tonight is the night that the hair will have to leave.
I can tell that it has been dying a slow death. The texture has changed, it doesn't hold curl anymore, and I can't get it to style very well anymore.
This morning when I was attempting to style it, I pulled my hand away with a chunk of hair. I do have to say that it startled me and I gasped. Even though I knew this day would come and have tried to prepare myself, it still did not make the reality of the situation any easier.

I am going to miss my hair.

Let's just take a little walk down "Des' Hair Memory Lane" shall we?
We already know that I started out with nothing...

Hey- I can always slap a bow on my head if I am tired of wearing a scarf or a hat.

Then I actually got some hair and my mom was left in charge of it...
(sorry mom, I know you did the best you could with what you had to work with)
Kindergarten= cute. 4th grade, however= Yikes...

It really just went downhill from there. I started doing my own hair, which was probably a mistake. I should have just let my mom keep doing it.
So you have already seen and laughed at this one...

Oh, but it gets better. Just look at what happens when you try to grow a sweet 'do like this out...

(A quick apology to my siblings. It had to be posted.)
So, the growing out stage was worse than the actual "bad hair year".
Then, when it finally grew out, I thought that some glamour shots would be a great idea. I know, I know- glamour shots are NEVER a good idea.

Fast forward a bit- I graduated high school, met Mark and had a couple of kids...

I went from bottle blonde back to my natural color back to some blonde highlights, short, medium length, etc. Still had some not-so-great hairstyles, but nothing compared to the bad hair year.
The good news is, I really like changing my hair style or color about every 6 months. With a scarf or hat, I will have a different style every day!

Finally! I came to my senses! It finally got to a length I wanted and I think I actually had some nice hair goin' on.
Like I said- I am really going to miss my hair.

BUT...hold on....a few positives about having no hair.
1. I will not have to clean hair off of the bathroom counter, sink, floor, etc.
2. I will not have to clean hairspray residue off every inch of my bathroom.
3. I can have a different look every day.
4. It will take me about 5 minutes or less to get ready in the morning.
5. I can bake and cook without having to worry about someone finding a hair in their food.
6. Along with losing the hair on my head, I will lose hair on my legs and underarms as well. No more shaving for this gal! :)

So we will be holding a special Family Home Evening tonight.
The kids are in charge of shaving mom's head.
Should be interesting....but lots of fun.
I am not sure if I will post those pictures or not. I will see how they turn out. I guess if I am brave enough to post pictures of my bad hair year and glamour shots, then I should be brave enough to let everyone see my bald head.

So we will see. I am more sad than I thought I would be, but want to make it as fun as possible.
So bring on the scarves and hats! I am ready for ya!

Birthday Wishes

2011-10-09T13:08:00.004-06:00

Today is a great day-
not only am I feeling pretty darn good,
it is also my mommy's birthday. :)

A few fantastic things about my mom...
*She loves to love me. :)
*She loves to serve people and I know she really wants to be here with me, helping me through every second of this trial.
*She is an awesome grandma. She always stops at the "cheese store" to bring my kids "squeaky cheese". They love her for that and many other reasons.
*She taught me everything I needed to know to be a good mother.
*She makes the best sugar cookies.

I love her and am so thankful to have such a great example and mother in my life.
Happy Birthday Mom!

The Rollercoaster

2011-10-05T08:37:00.002-06:00

Well, it's been a week. One week since the "poison" entered my body to kill the other "poison". I have decided that I do not really like to be the host of two poisons fighting each other. It makes for a very unpleasant experience.

I chose to name this post "The Roller coaster" because that is exactly what this week has been. Up and down and all around.

I've had good days and bad days. Yesterday (Tuesday) was a great day. I felt almost like my normal self except for the fact that I had to gulp in air when I would walk up the stairs. So what did I do? I did preschool, went to my doctor's appointment, did some major grocery shopping, tried to pick up some clutter, and basically overdid it because now I am stuck in bed, feeling lousy.
*Lesson learned.*
Just because I feel like my old self does not mean that I can do all of the things that my old self used to do. And that list of stuff was really only half of what I would do in a day- especially when I was PTA president.

I like Roller Coasters, but I think I would like to take a short turn on this one, please.

Monday was a bad day. Nausea and other problems made it so that by Monday night I was miserable, stuck in bed, unable to move. I called my sweet husband in and said, "I need a priesthood blessing now please." I had begged and pleaded and prayed as much as I could. I knew that we needed to take it up a notch.

Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to have a husband who holds the priesthood, who honors his priesthood, and who is able to bless our lives with the priesthood?

He laid his hands on my head and gave me a beautiful blessing of peace, comfort and healing. Speaking words that I know came directly from my Father in Heaven. These were not words that Mark had planned out in his head. I asked him to give me a blessing without any notice- on the spot. How do I know they were from my Father in Heaven? Because they were exactly the words I needed to hear from someone who knows me better than anyone. The feeling in my heart confirmed to me, that these words were from my Father, who loves me.

I know that it is because of this blessing that I was able to have the best night's sleep on Monday night and why I was so chipper on Tuesday. My Father gave me some rest from my burdens and I love him and appreciate him for that.

Now on to the next round of burdens, but I know I can do it if I stay close to the Spirit. He won't take every pain away from me- then I wouldn't learn compassion for others in a similar situation. But Christ understands my pain completely because He experienced the greatest pain of all- for me- for all of us.
Read about it here.

I am sorry to be so deep with this post, but I feel the need to express my spiritual journey on this blog as well as the physical one.

So I will end on a lighter note. A good friend of mine gave me a mixed CD with a bunch of great songs that are gonna help me beat this. One of the songs on there is by the great Martina McBride. Love her. I now have 2 songs from her that will help me on this journey. It is called "Ride"

Adjusting to "Normal"

2011-10-01T14:16:00.005-06:00

Well, now I begin the process of settling in my new "normal" life.
This new normal will include,
*fighting off nausea with meds
*fighting off the tiredness caused by the nausea meds
*trying to get comfortable and not being able to pinpoint why I am uncomfortable
*wondering if I will get mouth sores, when I will get them, and how bad they will be.
*feeling like an "old woman" (no offense to anyone out there) when I try to get up off the couch or out of bed.
*having smells bother me and things tasting weird
(pretty much all of the horrid pregnancy side effects on steroids.)
How rude! I was done being pregnant. I never thought I would have to experience those discomforts at this level ever again in my life.

But, there are some good things that come along with this new normal...
*I have already had the opportunity to meet some great people.
One of them being this amazing and inspirational lady

For those of you who are not familiar with this woman- her name is Sheri Dew, and she is amazing. Click on her name to read about her. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006. She said that she feels like a cheater because she was able to get away with just a lumpectomy. But it was great to feel of her love and support for this great cause, and I hope that when I get done with all of the yucky part of this, I can be an advocate like her. I want to let women out there know that this is a big deal.
1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. That is a scary statistic and am telling you right now--do self exams, get mammograms, protect yourself by being an advocate for yourself. If you feel like something is not right, talk to your doctor about it, and if that doctor doesn't believe you, find one who will. Breast cancer is 99% curable if found early enough.

*I had the wonderful opportunity to be honored at the high school football "Pink Out" game last night and was able to talk with other women who have been in my same position. I cried as they hugged me and told me that everything would be OK. "Keep fighting," they said. "Never give up"- and I don't plan to ever give up.

Giving up is not an option for me.
I have 4 young and amazing children who need me here to be their mother.
I have a husband who is my dearest and best friend, my eternal companion, and I am not ready to leave him.
I have SO many family and friends who seem to have come out of the woodwork to show their love and support for me.
So, no, giving up is not an option for me.

There will be days, yes, when I will feel like giving up for sure,
but on those days, I will turn to my Savior. I will put my hand in His, and I will let Him carry me through those days.

And when I come out on the other side of this?
I am going to be awesome.
(Read this article)

Like that article? Well, you are in luck. There are many more great men and women who are bearing their testimonies of our Savior and a loving Father in Heaven this very weekend. You don't have to be a member of my church to listen to them and feel comforted by their words. Just go here.
We have prophets and apostles, here, on the earth today. They testify of a loving Father in Heaven and of a Savior who gave His life so we could live.
Listening to these men and women have changed my life- I hope you will let them change yours too.

Love you all- thank you so much for all of your love and support.

Chemo: 1 down, 7 to go!

2011-09-29T18:26:00.003-06:00

So I made it through one chemo treatment. One down- 7 to go.
I felt really calm about the whole chemo process until I actually got to the medical center. I didn't have a meltdown or anything, I just got very withdrawn. Mark would ask me questions and I would give him very simple, one word answers.

This is what my port-e cath looks like. The surrounding area is a little red because they had just taken off the surgical bandages. Normally I have some numbing cream that I would put on my skin above the port, but I couldn't this time because of the bandages. But the needle stick wasn't too bad. It felt a lot like getting an IV in your arm. They have a special needle that is attached to a flat plastic disc with the IV tube coming out the other end. So once they get that needle in the port, they can access my vein to take blood or put medication in. Pretty cool actually.

This is it--the Red Devil chemo being administered. Before they gave me this med though, they pumped me full of anti-nausea medications. Which I think have been very helpful. I haven't been having too much trouble with nausea. I have been taking some meds at home to keep on top of it.

I couldn't believe just how red this med is!
I didn't really feel anything when all of the meds were going in other than the usual coldness that you feel when you get an IV. The nurse made sure I was chomping on ice the whole time she was administering the chemo. They have found that if you can keep your mouth cold, it really cuts down on the whole mouth sore situation. Which is fine with me. Who wants mouth sores?

So now it's the day after. I am surprised at how quickly I felt wiped out. I made it through preschool this morning just fine. I had to sit for most of it, but the kids were great and I think I will be able to handle the whole preschool thing. (YAY!)

I had to go back to the clinic this afternoon to get a Neulasta shot. This will help my body to produce white blood cells. While the chemo is searching out and destroying cancer cells, it is also destroying all of the cells I need- white, red, and platelets. If my white blood count is too low when I go in for my next treatment, I will not be able to receive chemo that day. So they will give me these shots the day after every chemo treatment to help my body produce more white cells.
So now this afternoon I feel kind of like I have the flu. Achy joints, hot flashes, tiredness. Could be worse though, it could be worse.

I will probably get in one more treatment before the hair starts falling out. That will be the next big step, but we are going to have fun in the process. It will be our Family Home Evening activity in a couple of weeks- shave mommy's head. The kids already have big plans as to what they are going to do to me before shaving it completely off.

Thank you SO, SO very much to everyone who wore pink yesterday to support me. I still tear up every time I look at all of the pictures. Thank you for your love. It sustains me through the rough times.

So the road to being cancer free has officially begun. It's gonna be a bumpy ride, but as my dad told me, I have a great driver (my Savior) who will get me to my destination safely. I am in this with Him 100%. I have felt His arms around me and know that He is helping my carry this burden.

Words Cannot Express

2011-09-28T21:10:00.007-06:00

So I woke up this morning with a heart attack...so to speak.
My sweet, amazing neighbors got together and made us tons of little love notes and left them on our door step. It made my morning for sure. I have always wanted to do that to someone but never have. Now I will definitely have to.

Then, as I was sitting in chemo, I got a text message from my friend Lyndsey. She sent me a picture of what looked like the entire student body of the elementary school, where I served as PTA President for the last 2 years, dressed in pink. Fortunately, I do not hold that position anymore. (Can you imagine? Just put me in the grave now folks. That definitely would have been bad.)
Unfortunately, I do not get to see these amazing people on an almost daily basis like I am used to, and I am having withdrawals! I don't miss the work, but I do miss the people, my friends.

These people are some of those who are "loving me through this," and I feel it. Again, I just sat there with tears streaming down my face. I know it's OK to cry, and I do cry sometimes (for those who may think otherwise). I love a good cry as much as the next person. It clears your head.
These were definitely happy tears- tears of joy.
Tears of wonder and amazement to see and feel the love that people have for you. Not many people are lucky enough to experience something like that in their lifetime. I truly feel very lucky to be in that category because it...is..incredible.

These lovely people are the faculty and staff. I worked with them for 2 1/2 years and I have made some of my dearest friends through that experience. It was a challenging 2 1/2 years with some rocky places, but I would do it again in a heart beat because I loved the job. I loved helping the school, and I loved being there for the kids, teachers, and faculty to help them with what they needed. I just tried to do my best, stay organized, and to make sure we were involving as many people as possible. I think it went well and a lot of great things happened at the school. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

Some people may think I am crazy to say that- but look where it has gotten me? I have a massive support system for the hardest challenge in my life. When I accepted the position as PTA president, I did not expect to make so many friends along the way. I just did the job like I do everything else- giving 100% (ok sometimes 125.2%), trying to be nice to people and giving them a chance to help if they wanted to, loving the kids (which is so easy), and having fun in the process. And somehow, I ended up with all of this love in return. I did not get paid for my volunteer service as PTA President, but this is better than any paycheck I ever could have received.
Love you all so much at our wonderful elementary school. Thank you so much for your love and support. You guys rock.

*I took some pics at the cancer center today, but my brain is about to shut down for the night and I can't add them to this post. But I do want to highlight a few things...

*The PET scan showed that there is no measurable cancer anywhere else. Huge relief. Now that is not to say that there are not little floaters out there somewhere, but that we can handle. Chemo will zap those suckers easy. I am just so thankful that there are no other tumors out there anywhere.

*The actual Chemo portion went well. I was a little anxious, but it went really well.
One down, 7 to go.

*I was surprised at how quickly some of the side effects have settled in. I am very tired, have waves of nausea, and a sinus type headache. So I am going to sign off for the night, and I will tell you more about the day tomorrow.

Scoreboard: Desirae (family & friends) -80 Cancer- 4
I am including my family and friends in my scoreboard now, because it's together that we are going to fight this. Right now I have almost 80 pictures from people who care about me and my sweet family, and I do not have the words to express how much this means to me. I love you all.

Port and Pink Update

2011-09-27T16:04:00.003-06:00

Just an update...
Had my port put in yesterday. Wow, that was a little more involved than I was planning. But it's in and it is sore unless I keep on top of my pain meds. Thank goodness I have those. I am very thankful to have it though. I am not a fan of needles and the thought of having them put an IV in every other week for a few months does not sound appealing at all. So this will be really great.

Also- tomorrow is the BIG day...Chemo day....Pink Wednesday. I am looking forward to seeing all of my fantastic friends and family in their pink attire. If you have already sent me a picture, you don't need to send me another one unless you really want to.

Still can't believe that this is my new life for the moment.
I have been feeling mostly calm, but I guess my anxiety must be worse than I thought because as I was coming out of the anesthesia yesterday, I just cried and cried and couldn't stop. The nurse who helped me was really sweet and just asked me about my kids and helped me talk about things.

Also, everyone has been so sweet and I always have people asking me what they can do to help. While my mom is here with us, I am not going to need too much help as far as housework and all that goes, but I am trying to build up my collection of "new hair" (scarves and hats). So if you feel so inclined and want to do something, I will take a scarf or a hat or a donation to the Scarf and Hat Fund.

Thank you again for your sweet words of encouragement and love. You all are gonna love me through this and I feel so lucky.

Fantastic Fall Weekend

2011-09-25T13:07:00.005-06:00

What a beautiful fall weekend! It was so nice to be able to enjoy some fun time with the family before we start the next leg of this journey with cancer.
Emma competed in the Oktoberfest competition this weekend. For those of you who are new to the blog- Emma is an ice skater. She has been ice skating for about 5 years now and it is her passion in life.

She won 3rd place in both of her events, but more importantly- she had fun and really skated her best. I am so proud of her. She works so hard.

Once again, her amazing costume designer came through. ;)

Another fun part of this fabulous fall weekend was our drive up the canyon to look at the leaves. I love the fall- the crispness in the air, the smells, the leaves- everything.

I learned one thing on this little jaunt though- I need to be more observant of what's going on around me. As we were walking along a trail, I heard Mark say good morning to someone passing us. Then he said, "Did you notice who that was?" Of course I didn't because I was in my own world, but it happened to be
President Uchtdorf and his wife. Really? Man, I hate it when I am not paying attention.

I hate that the weekend is almost over because that means that my new real life has to begin and I am not sure I am ready for that new life. The closer it gets, the more anxious I am feeling. I just have to keep reminding myself that chemo is not the enemy. Yes, chemo is probably going to make me feel crappy, but it is killing the real enemy. I know that I CAN do this, I just really don't WANT to do this.

*Just a reminder that this coming Wednesday (28) is "Pink Wednesday". Send me your pictures by posting them on Facebook or emailing them to me.

Thanks again for all of your love and support!

Family Pictures

2011-09-21T21:22:00.003-06:00

Thanks to my wonderful and amazing friend, Aubrey, we now have some gorgeous new family pictures. I wanted to get some pictures done while I still had my long hair. It took me FOREVER to get it this long. Oh well...it will be that long again someday. :)

This is my favorite shot- the one that will go on the wall. :)

Mark is not a huge fan of posing for pictures. I know, I know- big surprise ;) But I really like how these ones turned out. Especially cute Ellie on the end. Just makes me happy.

Ummm, can you say like father like son? I think it's hilarious that they stand exactly the same way.

Awww- me and my honey. Love this guy so much. He takes such good care of me.

Ok- I'm just gonna say it. I have some of the cutest kids around, hands down.

I can't believe how big these two are getting. When did they start looking so grown up?

And these two...just looking at them makes me smile.

So happy with how the pictures turned out. Thank you so much Aubrey! (Click on her name and you will be directed to her photography site.)

So just a little update- I will be getting the port in on Monday. I do not want to miss Emma's competition this weekend and really, I am going to have it for a while so why jump the gun?
So port on Monday and chemo on Pink Wednesday. :)

Drumroll please...

2011-09-20T06:23:00.008-06:00

I was going to post this first picture at the end of the post, but I think I have tortured everybody long enough. ;)
So, here is the "punk rocker" version of Des...

Top row: Ellie's hair, all of my discarded hair :(, my fantastic, wonderful, amazing hair dresser (my sister-in-law, Julie)
Bottom row: The finished product (the pictures don't do it justice. It's pretty cute.)

Originally I was just going to go to Julie's house and have her cute my hair.
Then I sent her a text and said, "What do you think of putting some pink streaks in it?"
Then she called me back and said, "What if we have a pink party and all the girls put pink in their hair?"
And I said, "Sounds like a party to me!" So that's exactly what we did.

You can't have a pink party without pink food. My mom-in-law made the pink rolls and pink "ribbon" sweet rolls...yummy. My sister-in-law, Michelle, came up with the "I-Scream" for a cure homemade raspberry ice cream...also YUMMY!

It was such a fun night. I got spoiled with presents and love. Just what I needed. :)
*Michelle is doing the "I Love You" sign- not the sign for "loser". ;)

We couldn't very well leave my girlies out of the fun, so they are now sporting two pink streaks each. Excited is too tame a word to describe their reaction when I told them what we were doing. You would have thought I told them that we were going to Hawaii or Disneyworld or something. :)

I haven't taken a picture of the whole group's finished product yet. It was a little late when we finished up bleaching and pinking up every one's hair. But I will add pictures to this post when I get them.

A lot of people have problems with their in-laws, the dreaded in-laws. How did I get so lucky? I have the best in-laws in the whole entire world. I love them so much and I am so thankful to have these amazing women in my life.

*Just one more pink note: Next Wednesday, September 28 is when I start chemo. I know there were some people who were not able to participate in our Pink Friday so I am throwing out the challenge again. For anyone who would like, I am designating next Wednesday as "Pink Wednesday" so pull out your pink things, snap a picture, and you will make it into the best scrapbook of all times. ;)

My cute girls! :)

Here We Go...

2011-09-18T18:43:00.004-06:00

Just thought I would give a little update as to what is happening this week...

Monday- EKG. They want to have a baseline EKG because one of the chemo meds I will be on can mess with your heart- slim chance- but still a chance.

Tuesday- PET scan. This scan is sort of like an MRI. Before I have the scan, they will inject some radioactive stuff into my veins- like Spiderman or something. ;)
This scan will go from the top of my head to my knees and will show us if those little cancer buggers have gotten anywhere else.

Thursday- Have Port-A-Cath put in. (Just google Port-A-Cath if you want to read about it.) It's basically a small port inserted by my left collar bone that will have a catheter connecting it directly to a main vein. This way I won't have to risk having my veins collapse every time I need a chemo injection.

So that's all the cancer stuff that's happening. Here's all the "normal" stuff that's happening.

Monday- new haircut. Goin' short, for a couple of weeks at least. :)
Wednesday & Thursday- finally starting preschool! I really am excited to get going. I miss my cute little munchkins.
Also Thursday and Saturday- Emma is skating in Oktoberfest. :) Yay, Emma!

So here...we....go...ready or not.

The Plan

2011-09-14T19:04:00.007-06:00

My mom posted this cat picture on Facebook today.
The caption was
"This is NOT funny."
She thought it fit my situation well.

And I have to agree. Kind of in a bit of a stinky situation here.
I am still trying to get a grip on the situation.
How did it go from
"Oh, it's probably just a cyst or a fibroid" just over a month ago to
Stage 3 Breast Cancer?
I feel like I am swimming and trying to get my head above the water, but can't quite make it.

Here's the rundown after the visit with the oncologist today (who I loved BTW- another blessing)
*Right now we are calling it Stage 3 Breast Cancer. Which kind of freaks me out a bit to tell you the truth.
*I will be having a PET Scan next Tuesday to determine if these little cancer buggers are camping out anywhere else in my body.
*I will start chemo on September 28.
My first round of chemo they call "The Red Devil" and that's exactly what it's going to be...Hell. I will go in every 2 weeks for 4 visits.
Everyone reacts differently to chemo, but I will definitely lose my hair...which fortunately I spent the first 3-4 years of my life pretty much bald. So been there, done that. And I look pretty darn cute in a hat (or so I've been told).

See! Super cute!

As long as I don't have to look like this...

when it starts to grow back- everything should be good. ;)

I also may suffer from all of those yucky side effects you always hear about: nausea & vomiting, fatigue, mouth sores, low blood counts, etc. Just how bad it will be? We will see what my body wants to do with it. I am praying that I will handle it as well as my beautiful Aunt Cheri who just finished chemo this week.
She took it like a champ. :)

*After the first round of chemo, I will have another PET scan to see our progress. Then the docs will determine if I should have the mastectomy then or move on to the next round of chemo.

*Round 2 will be milder, but still crappy.
I will have to go every 3 weeks for 4 visits.

*Then it will be surgery (if I haven't done it by this point) and Radiation.

And then I will be cancer free! Hooray!

I just have to say it again, and I am sure I will say it many more times before this is over. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for your continued love, prayers, and support. It really means so much to me and Mark. We feel truly blessed to have such a great support system. You will help us beat this.

Love you all!

Another Stumbling Block

2011-09-13T17:30:00.008-06:00

For those of you who may not know this about me, I am a "worst case scenario" thinker. Every time one of my kids gets hurt or Mark or I are sick, my thoughts automatically go to the worst case scenario. Fortunately every time I think about these worst case scenarios, they never come true.
Until now...

I have been preparing myself, mentally, for the worst possible outcome in this whole cancer mess and today I think that pretty much became my reality.

I met with my surgeon, Dr. Leckman, this afternoon. He had to share the unpleasant news that yes, the tumor was bigger than we thought and yes, the cancer was present in the lymph node he removed.
So what does this mean for me now?
Well, I have 3 bad factors here
1. My age- I am so young that any treatment we do needs to be aggressive so we can kick this cancer out of here.
2. The cancer is present in the lymph node so the possibility of it being somewhere else at this point is high. It was also not in just one spot in my breast. The tumor wasn't really a solid mass, but more like a spider web, creeping about all over the place.
3. The fact that my cancer is estrogen positive, but just barely.

So with all of these factors- this is the plan of action I am facing now.
1. Chemotherapy
2. Radiation
3. Mastectomy and reconstruction

We are going to do chemo and radiation before the mastectomy because chemo will mess up any sort of reconstruction tissues. Plus, if I did the mastectomy first, I would have to wait at least 6-8 weeks before we could begin chemo. There is no way that I want to wait that long before starting chemo. Who knows where else this cancer has wormed its way to? I don't want to take any chances.

As of this moment I do not know which kind of chemo or radiation I will have or when that will start. I meet with the oncologist tomorrow and then I will have all of those answers.

As I mentioned earlier, I have been preparing myself for an outcome like this. Or more accurately, my Heavenly Father has been preparing me for this outcome. I feel very calm. I knew when the doctor called me this morning and wanted us to come to his office this afternoon, that it would be bad. I was nervous all afternoon, but as we sat there in his office, I was nothing but calm. I was able to ask him all of the questions that I could think of. My mind was clear. Mark and I were not alone there in that office. We had angels with us to bear us up, I know it.

Definitely not the outcome that anyone would like to have, but I know it is the outcome that was intended for me. It's part of my journey here on earth and as I have said many times before, there are things that I will need to learn from all of this and people I need to help through this experience.

But...blast this stupid cancer! Now I have to give it at least 2 points for being sneaky.
Desirae- 6 Cancer- 4

One more thing...I read this talk today in the midst of being nervous. It was just what I needed.

The Adventures of Josh and Emma

2011-09-12T08:17:00.003-06:00

Thanks to my wonderful and amazing Aunt Susie, Josh and Emma were able to escape the house and go hiking this weekend.

These two really love the outdoors and would love it if we would go hiking more as a family. But sadly, Miss Abigail is not an outdoors person so this limits our hiking excursions a bit.

I love the pictures below. For all of the arguing and fighting that goes on, these two really do love each other. Here is the proof. :)

Thanks again, Susie! They had such a fun time and can't wait to go again! Maybe next time I can go with you.

Surgery Update

2011-09-10T15:20:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to post a couple of lovely pictures from yesterday's surgery and give you a little update.
(I think I really rocked the whole hospital gown, slippers and glasses look. What do you think?)
(P.S. Those things on my legs are compression sleeves to prevent blood clots during the surgery.)

We got to the hospital about 8 am and checked in. They sent me to radiology so they could inject an isotope into the tumor for the sentinel lymph node biopsy. This procedure was actually pretty cool. So this isotope travels from the tumor to the lymph nodes. Once I was in surgery, the doctor was able to sweep this little metal detector thing over my lymph nodes and wherever it beeped the loudest, was the sentinel lymph node, or the node where the cancer would travel first. That way they can just take out that node and a few surrounding it through a small incision instead of taking huge clusters out of a much larger incision.
I told Mark that I was glad that Magneto was not around (those of you who are X-Men fans will get this.)

After the isotope injection, we went over to the outpatient surgery place to wait, wait, and wait some more. But I am a pro at this waiting game now. ;)
I was supposed to have surgery at 11, but they finally got me into the operating room at 1. The doctor said that the surgery went well. Now we just have to wait for the pathology reports to come back to see what stage this cancer is at, if it is in the lymph nodes, if I will have to have further surgery and it will give the oncologist the information he needs to determine my followup treatments.

But for now I get to relax in my bed and get waited on hand and foot. :)
As long as I keep on top of my pain meds and keep a cold ice pack around, I am not in too much pain.
Stage 1 almost complete.
Score:
Desirae- 6 Cancer- 2

Dancing Princesses

2011-09-10T15:04:00.003-06:00

Oh how we have been waiting and waiting for this day to come!
Dance class!
Abbie is taking a jazz class this year. She is also continuing with her music class and is getting pretty good on the piano. She really wants to play the violin, but I think we are going to polish the piano skills for a little while before we jump into that.

Ellie has also been so excited to start her dance class. She is taking a ballet class. Their classes are on different days, so Ellie was really quite put out that she couldn't stay when we took Abbie to her class.
I think they are going to love it.

It's All About the Pink Baby!

2011-09-08T19:35:00.003-06:00

So tomorrow's the "big day". My first step towards kicking cancer in the butt.
While my mom was here a couple of weeks ago, we made these shirts for all of the girls in my family to wear on the day I have surgery.
I love them. :)

My girls shirts are a little special. They have the "Mom Heart" on the back.

So here is my challenge to you...
If you have anything pink and would like to participate, I would LOVE to have you wear pink tomorrow and take a picture. Then you can post it on Facebook, email me (desiraeo at gmail dot com), or text it to me.
Because let's face it folks, even though I am a little preoccupied with fighting cancer, my little "craft disease" has not stopped and I have GRAND ideas for a fun scrapbook and would love as many people as possible to be in it.

Thanks so much again for all of your love and support! I will never be able to express to you just how much all of your offers of love and support have meant to me through this process.

So... on to step #1. One step closer to being a true survivor. :)

Sigh of Relief

2011-09-07T19:10:00.003-06:00

I had just about given up hope for the day. It was after 4:30 and I still had not heard anything. I even had visions of the FedEx guy running into the doctors office saying, "I'm sorry, it fell between the seats!"
(Like on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.)

I had just talked to Mark and said, "Well, it looks like we get to wait yet another day." When low and behold what to my wondrous joy should appear?
But Dr. Scott Leckman's name on my caller id. :)

Funny thing- so I have been waiting and waiting for this one phone call and now that it is finally here, I am not so sure I want to answer it. But I did and heard the best news ever.

Gene Testing Results: NEGATIVE! No breast cancer genes for me!
Which means that I get to go with Option #2 (from my previous post).
Dr. Leckman said, "This is really great news and this means that you are an excellent candidate for a lumpectomy. When would you like to come in and do that?"

"Umm- like yesterday? Does that work? No? Okay I will take Friday then."
So Friday is the day. The plan for now is to do a lumpectomy and take some lymph nodes for testing. So I am not completely out of the woods yet- I still do not know what sort of treatments I will have to do. But I will take this good news for now and run with it.

I will find out tomorrow what time to go in on Friday. Another part of this great news is that it is an outpatient surgery, so no overnight stay at the hospital.

I am convinced that this wonderful outcome is the result of many, many efforts of prayers and fasting from all of my amazing family and friends. Thank you so much for all of your love, your support, your prayers, your hugs, your smiles.
I could not have made it through the last 2 weeks without you.

And let us not forget...the scoreboard. What the heck- I am going to throw in a couple extra points for good measure. ;)
Desirae- 5 Cancer- 2

Taking a Deep Breath

2011-09-06T18:49:00.006-06:00

If you haven't read the post below- you might want to read that first.

Now that I have had a few hours to calm down, I feel I have to share a few thoughts....

*Yes, I have to play the waiting game. But it's a game that people everywhere have to play for various reasons at one point or another in their lives. I am not alone and it's not going to last forever. I will have surgery eventually. It may be this week- it may be next week- it may be 2 weeks, but it will happen at some point.

*A major part of my meltdown is because I am a planner. I usually have most of my Christmas shopping done by now. I am usually in full swing with preschool, PTA, and every other thing that I have going on in my "normal" life. So it is killing me that I can't plan beyond today. But my sweet mother-in-law (who is a breast cancer survivor for over 15 years now) stopped by tonight and left some words of wisdom. She said to just wake up every day and think, "Ok- normally I would be doing preschool or PTA or whatever, but I'm not and that's ok. Now what fun thing am I going to fill that time with?"

*With every meltdown I have there comes a clarity of thought. After the storm there comes a rainbow. My rainbow for now is-
I know that this too shall pass. I am not alone in my anguish and anxiety. I just need to keep a tight grip on that Iron Rod and inch by inch I will make it out of Rock Bottom.

Yes- I just moved ahead one point!
Desirae- 3 Cancer- 2

The First Rock Bottom

2011-09-06T15:21:00.005-06:00

I am sure that there will be many rock bottoms before this whole ordeal is over, but today I hit the first one.

I spent the morning not-so-patiently waiting for the doctor's office to call.
By 1:30 I couldn't stand it any longer and had to call them. The test results have to be delivered by FedEx- no faxing or over the phone stuff. So they were waiting for the FedEx delivery to come. In the meantime, I had been also waiting to hear about when I needed to meet with the plastic surgeon in case I need to have reconstruction surgery.
The receptionist was surprised because she had called the plastic surgeon's office last week and they were supposed to call me to schedule and appointment. But I have not received a phone call from them. So she said she would call them again and have them call me.
Well, they called me and said, "So I moved some things around and can you come in next Tuesday, the 13th?" I said that No, that probably would not work since I was probably going to have surgery on Thursday or Friday.
"Oh, you are having the surgery this week?"
"Well, yes, that is the plan as far as I know it."
"Well, let me call Dr. Leckman's office because I seem to have the wrong info."
GRRRR!!!!!

So then, a couple of hours later, I get a call from Dr. Leckman's office (my regular surgeon).
"Well, I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but I have been chasing a bunch of people at the gene testing place and finally found out that because of Labor Day, the test will not be delivered until tomorrow before 4:30. Also, Dr. Leckman does not want to move forward until we have those test results so he doesn't want you to meet with the plastic surgeon yet. We will wait until we get the results and then make the plans from there."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I am tired of having my life on hold. I could have started preschool this week as planned, and that is why I called last week to see what the possibility of having surgery this week would be so I could move forward with preschool or cancel it. So obviously I cancelled it because I thought I would be having surgery on Thursday.

I guess I could still start preschool this week, but see the problem now is- I am tired. I am tired of talking about it, thinking about it, wondering about it.
I am tired of not wanting to think about it, but not being able to concentrate on anything else.
I am tired of having my life on hold and having to keep lots of other people on hold as well.
I am tired of being strong on the outside while I fall apart on the inside.

One of the crappiest parts of this whole thing is that it's nobody's fault. It would be easier to take out my anger and frustration if I had someone to blame, but there is no one. It's just a crappy situation plain and simple.

So now I am here at rock bottom. I don't plan to stay here long, but for now, that's where I am. Now I guess the score is even. :/

Baby Steps

2011-09-02T12:32:00.003-06:00

After what has felt like an eternity, I can finally take one baby step forward.
My test results should be back on Tuesday- which means I can hopefully have surgery on Thursday or Friday.

Still don't know which surgery, but at this point, I don't even care! I just want to say get rid of both the girls and let's move on to the next step! :)

Superwoman- I am not

2011-09-01T16:39:00.004-06:00

It's amazing to me how two days can be so completely different from one another.
Yesterday was amazing- total spiritual and mental high.
Today....not so much.
Today was an angry day.

I had every intention of having a day like yesterday. I was feeling good, had plans to do some things around the house, but after not sleeping well last night- I woke up a little on the grumpy side and it just went downhill from there.

I didn't want to do anything, but at the same time, I didn't want to just sit around and do nothing either. I am going to have plenty of time to just sit while I am recovering. I don't have time to just sit now- I want to get some things done while I can.

But the despair and the anger took control today.
I think it's safe to say that I was suffering from a little bit of depression.

And to make matters worse, my cell phone finally bit the dust. I have been using my old cell phone for a while since iPhones and me do not get along (that's a story I will have to share another day). But, my contract isn't up until October so now I get to go to the AT&T store tonight and beg them to let me renew my contract early. I guess on the bright side of things I get a new phone, but really? Did not really want to have to deal with that right now.

So as much as I hate to do it, I have to give cancer a point today. This "Superwoman" was not so super today. But tomorrow is another day and I definitely don't want a repeat of today, so I think I will go to bed early tonight and maybe take some Tylonol PM to make sure I stay asleep. ;)

Desirae-2 Cancer- 1 :(

Calm, Cool, and Collected

2011-08-31T17:32:00.005-06:00

Well, I was hoping that my next post would be filled with some answers and a surgery date and treatment options and all that.
But, sadly, no news yet.

But that's ok and the weird thing is, I am amazingly calm about it. I had an "Ah-ha" moment this morning that has really made me go from the "going crazy" end of the spectrum to "calm, cool, and collected".

I woke up at 5- not because I wanted to, just couldn't sleep anymore. I actually love waking up before everyone else because it gives me some quiet time to just be by myself. So I was doing some good soul searching and came to a conclusion....

I need to stop living each day with feelings of anxiety, panic, fear of the unknown, etc.
Having those feelings is not going to change anything. It's not going to make the test come back any faster. It's not going to give me answers any sooner. All it does is wear me out and make me grumpy with my family, which I really hate.

Everything will happen when it happens. I know that I am in the hands of a loving Father in Heaven who knows me and loves me. I know that He has cried along with me in my moments of heartbreak. I also know that this experience is going to teach me some amazing things. I am going to come through this a better person, no doubt about it.

How did I come to this conclusion you may wonder?
By reading this
and this
and as always, this wonderful book.

How can I have any shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ love me? They have calmed my troubled heart, brought peace to my mind and helped me to find the answers that I have been searching for. This cancer is a trial, yes, but it's not a punishment. It's an opportunity for me to grow and learn so that I can be prepared to live with them again.

Wow, that was some pretty deep stuff, but all true. ;)
Thanks again to all of my "biggest fans" out there who are sticking with me through this. You will never know how much all of your love and support means to me right now.

Score:
Desirae- 2 Cancer- still 0,
it tried to get a point by making me live in fear, but I shot it down fast. :)

Ice Cream Dinner Night

2011-08-29T21:54:00.005-06:00

Every summer we take a night and have ice cream for dinner. I know that school has already started, but we didn't get our ice cream dinner night in and we decided that we really needed one!

My kids absolutely love this night. You would think it was Christmas or something. The way their eyes sparkle when they know that they don't have to eat anything but ice cream for dinner. We did throw some fries in there too. ;)

It was a great night. Ever had an ice cream for dinner night? If you haven't, you should try it.

*I wish I had an update on the other situation for you. Still haven't heard back from the surgeon regarding the gene testing. It will be 1 week tomorrow. Really one of the longest weeks of my life. I have tried to keep busy, but find myself just going through the motions.
I have always wondered what it might be like to have cancer or some other disease- what thoughts might go through your head, what things you might do. Well, now I know.

You find yourself trying not to think about it, but failing.
You find yourself going about the daily routine, trying to keep things normal, but not really being able to concentrate on the tasks at hand.
You find yourself running out of "happy faces" when you run into people.
And you find yourself- at least in my case- craving more spirituality.
Devouring my scriptures-praying every single minute of the day- searching the internet for quotes and talks with words of comfort.

My faith will sustain me.
My Savior will be there to carry me through this burden because he suffered for me and he loves me.
Some people have said to me, "Why you?" But, I have not asked myself that question. Each of us has tests and trials in our lives that we are faced with. I know that this is a trial that I must face and that I must learn something from. I know it's not going to be easy, but that's okay. Life was not meant to be easy.

Let me just share one of my favorite scriptures with you
John 16:33
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

That's my plan- to be of good cheer.
Not all the time though. Sometimes you just need a good cry- and believe me, I have had some GOOD cries. I really don't think I have any tears left in me at this point, so now I'm going to focus on the cheer. :)

Trying to stay normal

2011-08-25T18:01:00.007-06:00

In an attempt to keep some normalcy in my life, I have decided to post about something other than cancer. Yay!
These cute little chick-a-dees started school on Monday. They were ecstatic about school starting and who can blame them really when they look this cute. ;)
My little Emma is now in 4th Grade which is very sad for me because that means she's now one of the "big kids".
Abbie is in 2nd Grade, which just blows my mind too. I feel like she should still be in preschool.

A week before school started, we went down South to see The Little Mermaid at Tuachan. It was a fun girls trip. We took my Grandma H. with us and left the boys at home.

Do you see these people? I love these people. I love when I get to spend time with them and I love that they are going to be some of the people who are going to "Love Me Through This" time in my life.

(If you haven't looked at this link from my Facebook page, you should. Amazing song. You will probably want to keep tissues close by.)
We had such a fun time at the play. The girls were so fun to watch. I loved seeing the excitement and magic in their faces. Ellie in particular. She was in complete awe of the Little Mermaid.
While we were there, Grandma gave the girlies some pedicures to start the new school year. Thanks Grandma!

It is hard to believe that the summer is over. This was probably one of the best summers we have had in a while and it's hard to see it end. It's especially hard when autumn is going to bring so many new challenges and experiences that I had not planned on.

But...we will make it through and we will do our best to keep living a "normal", happy life. My kiddos deserve that and so do I.

I am still waiting to get the results of the gene testing. My heart about jumped out of my chest today when I got a phone call from the surgeon's office. But they just needed some more info for the gene testing lab. GRRR! This reminds me of the last week of pregnancy- time ticking by so slowly that you don't even think it is possible for it to go any slower!

Keeping my fingers crossed that the test results come back tomorrow so I don't have to go through another long weekend. :/

Still in limbo...

2011-08-23T12:27:00.005-06:00

After what has been, officially, the longest weekend of my life so far- I finally had some answers today.....but also more unanswered questions.

Went to meet with the surgeon- who is really, really great and wonderful and I love him already. He made me feel completely at ease even though my heart was pounding out of my chest. Unfortunately, Mark is out of town this week for work. Had the training planned and paid for and had to go. :( But, my wonderful and amazing mommy came up to be with me and was with me at my appointment today.
Let's just pause and give a shout out to our mommies...Hooray! It doesn't matter how old we get- we will always need our mommies.

Okay- so on to what I know now.
My type of breast cancer is Lobular Carcinoma, which means that it originated in the milk producing lobes of my breast. Since there is no history of breast cancer in my family, I had to be tested to see if I carry a breast cancer gene. Apparently there are a lot of different genes out there that cause breast cancer- who knew? Not me.

So I swished some Scope around in my mouth and had to spit in a vial. I think it is safe to say that this will be the easiest part of this whole process. Off to the lab it goes and now we get to play the waiting game again- possibly for a whole week! Not what I wanted to hear, but I guess a week is better than a month.

Why is this testing so important you ask? I have basically two options here.

1- If it comes back positive that I have a breast cancer gene, then I have to say goodbye to "the girls". Both of them. Because if I have that gene, my chances of developing cancer in my other breast is pretty high. Also, when all is said and done I will have to have a hysterectomy as well because the breast cancer gene also causes ovarian cancer.
BOO to option number 1.

2- If it comes back negative and I don't carry the gene, my doctor would like to start with a lumpectomy where he will go in and remove the lump and some surrounding tissue. They will send that to the lab and see if the cancer has spread to any of that remaining tissue and to see what stage the cancer is at. With this option I still have the chance of losing that breast if he is not able to remove all of the lump because with lobular breast cancer, the tumors are sometimes tricky to remove. Also with this option, I will have to go through some radiation therapy.

Both options will include the removal of some lymph nodes for testing.
IF- there is cancer found in the lymph nodes, then chemotherapy or homonal therapy may come into play.

So...now we wait.
Again.
The good news is, the MRI didn't show any other abnormal things going on. So that gives me hope that it is contained to the one spot and if we just yank that sucker out of there, we can be done with it.

So now my challenge will be to keep life as "normal" as possible for my family even though the only thing I want to do right now is curl up in a ball and cry and wait for this whole nightmare to be over.
But I won't do that- I can't do that.
That means that the cancer gets a point and I am not willing to let it win anything.
So for those of you keeping score
Desirae- 1 Cancer- 0

Thank you again for all of your prayers, thoughts, word of encouragement and love, and everything else. The power of prayer is amazing and I truly feel your prayers lifting me up. It's an incredible feeling.

8-19-11

2011-08-19T21:26:00.004-06:00

I will always remember this day for 3 reasons.
Two of them are very exciting and one is not.

1. My baby boy started Junior High! Can you believe it? I can't!

I still remember him learning how to walk and now I had to drop him off at the Junior High so he could learn how to walk through the seemingly endless supply of hallways and staircases at that place. But I am mostly excited for him and he had a great day.

2. One of my very good friends, Hollie, has been waiting and waiting to welcome a baby girl into their family. She has two sweet little boys and now they have a beautiful baby girl thanks to an amazing miracle and a birth mom from out of state.
Baby Jayna is absolutely perfect in every little way (and I mean little- she was only 5 lbs. 5 oz. and she is tiny!) SO excited for their cute little family.

3. Not sure how to begin telling you about this one. My hands are shaking and I am having trouble typing. I keep having to backspace.
Today is the day that I learned I have cancer.
Yep- the ugly "C" word. The word I never in a million years thought I would ever have to experience.

This cute little cat poster says it all.
I definitely has a sad and it really sucks!

So here is the story up to now in the shortest version possible.
About a month ago I found a lump (now we know what kind of cancer we're talking about here). I wasn't too concerned about it. Both of my grandmothers have had fibroids removed and that is hereditary so I just assumed that's what we were dealing with.
My doctor suggested I have an ultrasound- so that I did.
Last week I had an ultrasound and they threw in a mammogram just for fun. ;)
Because I am over 30 and I found a lump.
Both the ultrasound and mammogram looked fine other than that one nasty little lump about the size of a large pea.
The doctor doing the ultrasound suggested that I come in for a biopsy so they could get a better idea of what that little lump was made of.
That brings us to Thursday. Went in for the biopsy. Came away feeling great and pretty confident that we were still dealing with a fibroid. They said they would call Friday afternoon with the results.

Now we are to Friday morning about 10 am. I am picking Emma up from ice skating- have all my cute girlies with me and we are getting into the car to head to Costco. My phone rings and the person on the other end- one Dr. O'Neill I believe- says,
"Well, Desirae, we got the results back from your biopsy and I am very sorry to say that it does not look good. There were some cancer cells that showed up."
I'm sorry, "WHAT!?!?!?!?!"
Did you actually just tell me that I have cancer?
That's just not possible I am thinking. There is no history of breast cancer in my family and this thing is just a fibroid.
So what do I do? I say, "Really- wow" and I get in my car and start driving. Except I don't drive to Costco, I go the opposite direction to Mark's work. All I could think of at that moment was that I needed Mark. I needed him to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be fine.
As I am driving she is still talking to me and I am hearing things like
"MRI and Grade 2 Cancer and Surgeon and I'm Sorry and millions of other things."
Why didn't I pull over and write these things down?

Fast forward to today. Right now this is what I know.
I have Breast Cancer- it's not super aggressive but it's not passive either. It's right smack in the middle. I will have to have a Lumpectomy at the very least. I have no idea what other kind of treatment I will have to have yet. I had an MRI on Friday night and I meet with a surgeon on Tuesday to find out what the next few weeks or months of my life is going to involve.

This is what else I know.
I am going to be ok.
I will forever be known as a Breast Cancer Survivor and I will proudly where that on my back when I run the Race for the Cure next year.
The next few weeks/months are going to suck and not be fun.
My Heavenly Father loves me and is looking out for me. There are many small little miracles that have already taken place to have me here, in this moment, with the right people to take care of me.
I am supposed to learn something from this experience and through this experience I will be able to help others.
I really have the greatest friends and family in the world.

So- that's the scoop! I wish I knew more. The unknown is killing me! I am a planner. I need to plan things and this is not how I like to plan things.
I am planning on updating through my blog- not Facebook. I would rather have people look at my cute blog then check my status updates on Facebook. So if you want to keep tabs on me, you can become a follower on my blog or just check it periodically.

Thank you to everyone for your sweet messages of love- your prayers and your thoughts and your willingness to drop everything and serve me.
I am amazed that already I feel the power of so many prayers on my behalf. It's an incredible feeling and I feel so blessed to have so many awesome people in my life who care so much about me. There are so many people with bigger crosses to bear.

Thank you- I love you- and here's to kicking cancer in the butt!

Another project down...3,465 (or so) to go!

2011-08-10T20:24:00.005-06:00

Well- I hadn't planned on doing the pantry until next month...but I couldn't stand it any longer! It was like a game of Tetris trying to take things out and put things in. So thanks to some inspiration from one of my favorite blogs
(Brown Paper Packages), I came up with a grand solution...

Here are some before shots.

YIKES!!!
Now you would think with all of this food, I wouldn't have a problem fixing dinner but I do. You can catch me every day about 4 o'clock just staring into the abyss, trying to decide what to make.

Are you ready?
Here is the after shot...

Hooray! I am so happy with how it turned out. Thanks to one of my favorite things in the world (my Silhouette machine), I even have cute little labels for everything.
That is definitely the key to organization...LABEL, LABEL, LABEL!
Makes life a lot easier when I can tell my kids- "It's in the snack bucket!"
If you don't have a way to cute vinyl, you can always make cute labels on the computer. I had to do that on a couple of containers that had holes in them and they look just as cute.

I really, really, really love this.
I just finished it today and funny thing, I was still standing there-looking into the abyss at 4 o'clock this afternoon- but it was for a different reason.
I just couldn't get enough of looking at my new, beautiful pantry.
Aah, organization- it's a beautiful thing.
Makes a mommy happy.

Now if we can keep it this way for longer than a week. :/

BTW- Here is a link for the blog where I received inspiration for my pantry. Maybe you can get inspired too!

Happy Organizing everyone!

Splashing up a storm

2011-08-07T19:41:00.003-06:00

Well- the summer is winding down. We are trying to squeeze in as many fun things as we can before school starts in a couple of weeks.

One of those things is a pretty cool little splash pad at one of our local malls.
(I know that everyone probably already knows the name who reads this blog, but I still like to try and not give away our location too much. ;)

Ellie is not a very brave soul, but she did run through the water and splash with the other kids and loved it.

This kid is SO 12 years old. I had to tell him at one point to take it down a few notches because he was scaring some of the other kids. What a crazy kid.

I just loved watching their faces as the water would hit them in the face or the butt. Classic...

Still adjusting to my new little purse camera. Nice picture of Mark though...;)

There we go. (Had to have my mom take this picture)
My mom and dad came with us and I took a picture of them but it was blurry! Aargh! I hate it when that happens!
We had a great time with them and love it when they come to visit.

Oh summertime- what other things can we possibly stuff in before you leave us?
Hmmm...stay tuned. :)

Summer projects & a gift from a bug

2011-07-28T09:32:00.006-06:00

I have been planning since about January to redo the girls rooms once summer hit. After months of saving and planning, they are finally done!

Here is a peek at Abbie's cute new room.

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Abbie loves to make projects so I found the biggest magnet board I could find for her to display all of her creations. I am in love with the name blocks and her curtains. I found the quilt at Target- it was the inspiration for the room. I really love how it turned out and she is so excited to have her own space. She really needs her own space sometimes. :)

Emma and Ellie are now sharing a room. This room gave me a little bit of grief. I had to make their quilts because a regular twin size blanket hangs over too much on the trundle bed. After a couple of sessions of having to unpick seams- they are finally done.

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Some of my favorite parts? The tissue balls in the "reading corner", the quote by President Uchtdorf on the wall, and the fabric. I am really in love with the fabric we found. Ellie helped me pick it out.

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They really fell in love with Abbie's magnet board so we had to put one up in their room as well. Now I won't have tape or staples in my wall. :/
I love decorating my home and really am happy with how these rooms turned out, but I think I am done decorating for a while...ok, let's be honest. I will probably take a week off and start another project because that's how I roll.

One other fun note for the summer...not so fun for Emma though...
She received a little present from a bug.
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This is really the bug bite from "you know where". We noticed this bug bite at the end of June. It was itchy and had a little redness around it so we watched it for a week or so. The redness went away, but the bump continued to get bigger. Took her to the doctor and they thought that maybe it was some scar tissue. I guess sometimes scar tissue builds up after a bite. So a couple of days later- it looked like the picture in the top left corner. I felt like it was a huge zit that needed popping. Took her to the Instacare and they put her on antibiotics and had us to hot compresses 3 times a day- but still no "popping of the zit". After being on the antibiotics for 10 days, it still looked the same and she developed a rash from the antibiotics! Seriously! How weird is this?
So yesterday we took her back to her regular doctor and FINALLY they got all of that infection out. One of the grossest things I have ever witnessed. They just stuck in a needle and immediately it started oozing puss and grossness. (The picture in the top right corner is what it looks like today.)
So now we have to wait until the rash goes away before starting another antibiotic and keep the wound moist with ointment so it can continue to drain and then heal.
Weird...

A major milestone...

2011-07-17T21:57:00.004-06:00

This past Friday we had the amazing opportunity to take Josh to the temple for the first time. In our church, when you turn 12, you can go to the temple to do Baptisms for the Dead (click here to find out more). He has been so excited to go and we finally were done with all of our parties and excursions so we could take him.

I really cannot believe how amazing my son is. My goal in life is to not screw him up. Heavenly Father sent him to me with a near perfect soul and I am just trying to do my best to keep it that way.

Don't mind the hair- I haven't done baptisms for the dead in a while and I did not come prepared- no comb or hairspray or anything.

I love this kid so much. He is growing into such an incredible young man. He has great things in store for him and I am so excited to see what the future holds for him.

Family Reunion

2011-07-17T21:45:00.004-06:00

July not only brings the 4th and lots of other fun- but it also brings the annual Family Reunion. This would be for Mark's mom's side of the family and every year is so much fun. The past few years we have opted for my favorite way of camping- a very large cabin. :) It's pretty sweet. Although I realized while preparing for this post that I did not take any pictures of the cabin. Oh well- we will be there next year.

There are so many things to love about this reunion- lots and lots of food, card games, volleyball, and last but not least- THE RACES!
We did pretty good this year. Abbie was a fierce competitor and there was no way she was going to even think about slowing down to let anyone get close to her. She spent the hour before the races running around the campground warming up. She wouldn't eat any candy either because she figured that would slow her down. :)

This year we were actually in a different campground than we usually go to. It was different but we still had a great time and this area was absolutely beautiful!
We went on a couple of little hikes, one of which ended at a waterfall. There was so much water that it was seeping through the rocks all along the trail.
I had to include a picture of Ellie's crazy hair. We started the Reunion with two french braids and ended up with one crazy hair-do.
Thanks to Sherrie and her photo booth idea (see my 4th of July post), we decided to have a photo booth at Reunion. I didn't take many pictures there, but the girls had a lot of fun dressing up and playing with all the props.

It really was so much fun. I love hanging out with my family and extended family. We always have such a great time together and I couldn't ask for a better forever family.

Zoorassic Park

2011-07-17T14:26:00.004-06:00

Our zoo has a fantastic display going on right now-
Zoorassic Park!
Josh and Brittany and the kids were here right before the 4th so we decided to take a trip and see all of the animals and dinosaurs.

We also had Grandma F with us and my cousin Jenefer and her two kiddos. It wasn't too hot so that was nice and the kids loved being together.

Little Lukey was in heaven. He LOVES animals and the dinosaurs were an added bonus.

Even though it wasn't too hot- the kids found some ways to stay cool. It never fails- a kid will find water to play in anywhere they go.
(I love Abbie and Logan's faces as they are trying to catch the water.)
We love the zoo and it was so fun to go with everyone.

4th of July Fun!

2011-07-17T14:05:00.004-06:00

I love the 4th of July- BBQ's, fireworks, family- love everything about it. This year was no exception and we had an added bonus. We were able to celebrate with little Miss Penelope as she celebrated her first birthday. (Penelope is Mark's sisters baby girl and she is a-dor-a-ble!)

We started out the day with a birthday breakfast at OJ and Sherrie's house. Penny wasn't too sure about all of the people invading her territory, but she had fun opening presents and digging into (and sharing) her cake. Sherrie set up a little photo booth of sorts with props and everyone had a blast dressing up and posing.

Later that afternoon, we moved the party to Dan & Michelle's house for a swim party and BBQ. I love my new camera from Costco that takes underwater pictures- wish we would have had it in Hawaii. When it got dark, it was time for
The Cul-de-sac of Fire!
Wow- what a show. We are glad that some very cool fireworks are now legal in our state so I think it's safe to say that this was the best Cul-de-sac of Fire ever (except for the ants that kept biting our little toes.)
Ellie enjoyed the firework show for a bit, but then she was D-O-N-E. :)

All in all a fantastic 4th of July.

How did I get this old?

2011-07-03T15:23:00.005-06:00

I am not quite sure how this happened.
How did I go from being a brand new mom with a chunky, cute baby boy to a mom with a 12-year old boy?

These past 12 years have sure gone by fast. Sometimes not fast enough, but for the most part I have found myself saying, "Slow down!"
I am not ready to be the mom of a pre-teen and the scary thing is, in just 5 short years I will have 2 teenagers and 1 pre-teen. Now that is a scary thought.

I just have to share some things about Josh...
1. He is so excited to be 12. In our church, once a boy turns 12, he is able to hold the priesthood. He has been looking forward to this moment for a while now.

2. He is becoming quite the little cellist. He started playing the cello last fall and we just gave him a cello for his birthday along with starting lessons. He loves it and I don't have to ask him twice to practice.

3. He has definitely developed a "grown up" appetite. I am not sure how we are going to keep our kitchen stocked...

4. He is so excited to be able to go to the temple to perform baptisms for the dead.
(Any of the church terms you may not be familiar with- I have made them a link so you can find out more about them if you would like.)

5. He loves to swim.

6. He really likes to cook and bake. He is now in charge of dinners on Monday nights so it will be fun to see what dinners he chooses to make.

7. He is very excited to start junior high in the fall.

8. He is a fantastic artist and loves to sketch.

9. He is a good big brother- he has definitely perfected the art of teasing his sisters, but when needed, he is their biggest defender and protector.

10. He made it a goal to finish the Book of Mormon by the time he was 12 and he actually finished 2 weeks ago.

11. He loves to learn things- as long as he can do it by reading or watching it on TV. He can remember everything he reads or watches. Then why do I have to remind him to brush his teeth? Haven't figured that one out yet.

12. Last but not least, he loves his family. He gives me multiple hugs and kisses throughout the day. Almost every time he sees me. Sometimes I have to catch myself and not act annoyed when he grabs me and hugs me while I am in the middle of something. Who knows how long this will last? I need to enjoy it while I can.

Yes, we have been blessed with one amazing kid. I just pray every day that I will be able to teach him the things he needs to know and not screw him up too badly....

Love ya buddy! Happy Birthday and congratulations on becoming a Deacon and receiving the priesthood. I am so proud of you and can't wait to see how you will take on your teenage years. It will be interesting for sure.

Family Fun in the Sun

2011-06-26T19:44:00.004-06:00

We recently spent a few days down South where the hot winds blow.
Chad and Danette were visiting so the whole family was there and we had a blast.
We went to a place where the kids could run and jump and get out lots of energy...

Ellie survived for about 45 minutes and then she was done.
I decided that jumping would not be good for me- did not have a change of clothes (ladies who've had babies, you know what I am talking about ;)
So I spent my time holding the cute little Miss Haiven.
Grandma got in on the action with a little Ring-Around-the-Rosies and the kids had fun with the Bungee Cord inflatable. That is one strong bungee cord.

Dan challenged Josh to a duel. Josh tried his hardest, but in the end- it was total "Dan Domination"

Chad and Danette were kind enough to drive their boat the long distance from their home so we headed to the lake on Friday.

Ellie was definitely not a fan of the boat. It took Abbie a few minutes, but then she was okay. Emma (AKA Daredevil) had no problems at all.
We had some fun riding on tubes and racing the wave runner across the lake.

Let's just say that tubing- not Ellie and Abbie's cup of tea. They were not amused. They lasted about 30 seconds on the tubes.
It has been over 15 years since I have been water skiing and I was ready to go. I got up on the first try and after about 30 seconds, I was thinking, "I don't remember my legs burning this badly when I would ski before!"
But I endured the burn and went around the whole lake. It was awesome. I love water skiing- wish I had the opportunity to do it more.

Emma is my little daredevil and she was dying to try water skiing. I had a little reservation, considering that if she gets injured, ice skating is not an option for a while. But she wanted to so badly so in the water she went. Uncle Dan helped her out and was a great coach. She got up on the 2nd try and was up for almost a minute. On her 3rd attempt, however, she was not completely straight and went out of the wake. This caused her to fall and I knew it was not a good sign when I saw her crying when we pulled up next to her. Emma does not cry unless she is really hurt.
So now- we have one sprained ankle and no ice skating for a little while. But she had fun while she was up. :)

On Saturday night- it was Girls Night baby.
Why are we so weird when we get together? I will never know, but it is sure a lot of fun. ;)
We went out to eat and then drove around for a bit trying to decide what else to do. We stopped at Old Navy and then went out to take some pictures.

Can you say Holy Burrito? Danette's burrito was ginormous!
Also, I am not quite sure what I am doing in the above picture....

Mark just got a new camera for Father's Day (his favorite gift for sure ;)
So I am, or course, playing with it to get it all figured out.
Well, haven't quite figured out the auto timer yet....

We did finally get a great picture. I love hanging out with these girls. We always have so much fun together. I wish we all lived closer so we could hang out more. Now my cute little sis, Sharise, is off to live with Danette in Texas for a month and then will be headed to Germany to work as a nanny for a year! We are going to miss her so much but I am so excited for her to have this opportunity. Germany is a beautiful place and she is going to have a great experience.

A few things about Trek...

2011-06-12T22:20:00.012-06:00

*Updated with more pictures- Monday, June 13*

I did not take my nice camera to Trek. Just took a little disposable one and haven't had a chance to get the pictures developed yet. This picture is one that our fantastic trek photographer took. I downloaded it from Facebook. But I wanted to share a few things about Trek and I will post pics when I get them.

1. This Trek was full of small miracles from beginning to end. From the experience of writing my song, to Mark not injuring his leg too badly, and many more that happened on Trek. More on those miracles to come...

2. It was an amazing experience to be a Ma and Pa- even though we were not with a family of youth. We were asked to be over one of the Stake families which included our fabulous Stake Presidency and their wives. We felt very inadequate to be in charge of such a wonderful group of spiritual giants.

3. The Women's Pull was- physically- probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Including giving birth to 4 children. My lungs and every muscle in my body were on fire like never before and we only went 3/8 of a mile. The pioneer women endured so much more.

4. The youth in our stake are amazing. It was such a privilege to be with them and feel of their spirit and their strength.

5. I was the ma of about 25 amazing adults. I love each one of them and feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to help them on this journey. We had so much fun- but more importantly, my testimony was strengthened by their faith, their strength, and their love and dedication to our Savior.

Monday, June 13- Ok I got my pictures developed today. They are not the greatest quality, but they turned out alright.

One of the coolest things about this Trek is that we were always the last handcart. It was awesome to see the line of carts in front of us. The only bad thing about being last is that the youth in our stake are animals! That first day, we pulled into camp 2 hours ahead of schedule! They kept a blistering pace the whole day and all of us oldies in the back had a hard time keeping up!
Mark's leg did just fine on Trek. I know I haven't shared the story of what happened to his leg so here is the short version.
Mark climbs up to the very top of a ladder about 10 days before Trek.
The ground is saturated and basically starts slipping out from under him.
He tries to jump clear of the ladder but ends up getting caught in the rungs.
The miracle of the whole thing is that he didn't break his leg. He leg was bruised from his thigh down to his shin and was very painful to walk on.
But while we were on Trek, he had no problems with it- just a couple of blisters on his feet. Miracles happen every day.

We witnessed a few miracles on our Trek. One girl had her foot ran over by a cart and broke her middle toe. She rode in the medical vehicle for a day, received a priesthood blessing and was able to participate in the rest of Trek- including the Women's Pull- with a broken toe.
I helped a family of beautiful girls up the hill in the Women's Pull. When we were done a couple of the girls were not doing so well and one of them passed out. They were both given blessings and were well enough to participate in the Hoe Down that night.

What an incredible experience. Even though I am sore and tired and missed my kiddos terribly, I am so thankful that I was blessed with this opportunity. I am excited to think that both Josh and Emma will be able to participate in the next Trek, 5 years from now. I hope they will both be excited to go.

It was the best of times- It was the worst of times

2011-06-03T17:09:00.006-06:00

Well- I forgot to take my camera to the school when I picked the kids up, so no last day of school pictures.
But I just want to take a moment and relish in this thought...
I am no longer PTA President at Liberty Elementary (or President of the School as someone in Abbie's class called me once.)

And how exactly do I feel about this? Well, the best way to describe it is bittersweet. Although it has been a long 2 years, I really will miss certain parts of the job and I have learned so much.
*You will not be able to please everyone, no matter how hard you try. Just do your best and go with the majority.
*There are people out there, who LOVE to complain about things, but when asked if they have a solution to the problem or would like to be involved more in the planning, they quickly have nothing more to say. :)
*I have experienced miracles and times when I have felt lifted up. I know that I had help from the other side during these last 2 years- even though it had nothing to do with spiritual decisions.
*I have met some fabulous people who will now be friends for life!
*I like to think that I helped make our school a happy place- where everyone feels welcome and safe.

I will not miss the amount of time it takes out of one's life to be PTA President. I am looking forward to completing projects that have been gathering dust- having more lunch dates with my old and new friends-going to the temple on a regular basis- catching up on some scrapbooking- devoting more time to my musical talents. The list really could go on and on.
So all of you out there who are worried about what I will do with all my extra time- don't be- I've got it covered. (It's a sickness really. I just can't do one thing at a time.)

So when I say "It was the Best of Times- It was the Worst of Times", I really do mean it. I am taking away with me some fantastic memories and lessons learned. I am a stronger person. I have strengthened my leadership skills.
I have also had a few moments of tears and not wanting to be the one in charge. I am sure that I have made some enemies- that is to be expected I suppose- but the friendships that I have forged make up for all of that.

I am thankful to have had this wonderful opportunity and memories to treasure.
Now let's get this summer started already!

End of School Fun

2011-06-03T10:41:00.004-06:00

Last Friday, we went to the zoo with Josh's class for a field trip. His last elementary school field trip. :(
We had such a fun time. I was watching Penny for the day so she came with us and was such a good baby! We rented a double stroller and away we went!

Yesterday was the annual awards assembly at school. So proud of my three school-aged kiddos. They are all great students and have worked hard this year. Josh received an award for Language Arts because of his mad writing skills. (He really is a fantastic author.) They also held a 6th Grade Honorarium in the afternoon. I can't believe that I will have a Junior High kiddo next year. That makes me feel really old. He is excited to start a new adventure- ready to be done with elementary school.
Me? I have mixed feelings about the new adventure- mostly excitement, but scared to death as well. :)

Last night we went to the airport to welcome Natalie and Mark home. They are living in Hawaii now and have been there for the past year. They are here for a month or so to visit while Mark is on summer vacation from school. We are so excited to have them back for a visit! We have missed them so much!

I will be posting Last Day of School pictures later.
Bring on the summer baby.
(Oh, and super excited to finally have found a way to make my pictures bigger. Here is the link I used)
http://www.blueorchidblog.com/2007/10/how-to-have-large-photos-on-your-blog.html

The Marvelous Month of May

2011-05-22T21:15:00.004-06:00

May has been a super crazy month and we have just been trying to keep our heads above the water- so to speak. (For anyone who lives by us, they will understand- we have had WAY too much water lately) We have tried to have some fun, even with the crazy weather. Here's what's been happening...

Josh had his 2nd orchestra concert. I am very impressed with how much progress they have made since the Christmas concert. He loves playing the cello. I guess I am going to have to find a cello teacher now. :)

I wish these pictures would have turned out bigger. One of my "things to do" this summer is to figure out how to get pics bigger on my blog. I know I have seen some tips on other blogs- just haven't had the time to sit down and do it. Oh well- anyway, on one of the days that we actually saw the sun for a while, I was able to get some flowers planted. I decided that I better take a picture of them while they look good. I did not inherit my Grandpa & Grandma H.'s green thumb. I am really hoping that I don't kill these little beauties.
These flowers make me happy.
I love flowers.
The last pic is my favorite view out of our family room window. These trees only bloom for a couple of weeks, but they are breathtaking for those two weeks and I love them.

Again, sorry for the small pics. If you click on them, you can see them bigger.
One of the other things that happened in May is that the chickens moved out- and hallelujah, because they were starting to stink!
I am proud to say that we built this cute little chicken home all by our little selves. Josh and Mark did all the construction and I painted it. I have to say, I am in love with how it turned out and the chicken love it too. They told me so. :)

We have had so much fun with these cute little chicks. Although, they are not very little anymore. They are all fully feathered out and are getting harder to catch. I love to just watch them. It's like watching fish in an aquarium- very relaxing for some reason. We have been letting them roam around the yard a little bit. Let's hope they do what we want them to do and eat the bugs that have been plaguing our lawn for the past few years.

One last thing about May- we had our annual trip to the ice cream parlor to have ice cream for dinner.
Oh how I love our favorite ice cream place.
We have so much fun there.
But I did learn something this time around- no more BLUE bubble gum ice cream. Thank heavens for Spray & Wash. :/

I can't believe that May is almost over.
But I am very excited to finally (hopefully) have some warm, sun-shiney days.
I am also very excited for summer.

I have decided that this is going to be the "Summer-o-Fun".
I only have 7 more summers with Josh before he will be on a mission- 10 more with Emma before she goes off to college or some other grand adventure- 12 more with Abbie and 15 more with Ellie.
I no longer dread summers without school, wondering what I am going to do with the kids every day. A couple of years ago, I decided to make the most of the summer.
I need to make every second count.
I have big plans for this summer- big plans and they all include making fun memories with my kids. I'm sure we will have our moments of wanting to kill each other- we are a normal family after all.
But the fun-o-meter is going to go through the roof, so those moments won't matter. :)

Cherish Every Moment

2011-05-09T15:12:00.002-06:00

In one of the blogs I have listed under my "Little Bit of Inspiration", I found a link to another blog of a family in Utah who just lost their mommy and newborn baby.
Keep the tissues handy while you read.

http://www.dennyandwendy.blogspot.com/

My heart goes out to this sweet family and when my kids get home from school today, I am going to give them extra kisses and hugs.
We never know when we will have our last moments together.
Cherish Every Moment you have.

As painful as it is to read stories like this, I am thankful that the spirit leads me to them so that I can remind myself of how lucky I am. It gives me strength and puts things into perspective. We all need a dose of perspective once in a while.

I am so thankful to be a mom and to have the opportunity to raise 4 amazing and beautiful kids. They are my greatest joys and my greatest trials and I love them to pieces.
I thank my Heavenly Father every day for them and for my best friend and husband, Mark.

My heart and prayers go out to all those who have lost loved ones recently.
I know that you will be with those loved ones again.

Double the Birthday- Double the Fun!

2011-05-01T22:00:00.002-06:00

The last week of April/first week of May always brings a lot of fun around our house because we have lots of birthdays to celebrate.
In our house, we have 2- Mark and Emma- but we also get to celebrate 2 of my aunts, my Grandma H and my Dad. Lots of birthday fun...

Mark turned 35 today. He's getting up there. ;)
I just have to say how lucky I feel to have him in my life. He keeps me sane in my moments of insanity. He loves me even when I turn into "crazy mom". He is the perfect daddy for our 4 amazing kiddos and I love him so much. I love that he goes to work every day even when he knows it is going to be a stressful day. I love that he honors his priesthood and puts everything he has into fulfilling his callings, even when it means I have to be by myself with 4 kids in church. He is my best friend and I love him so much!

And now my little miss Emma. She turned 9 on the 28th. NINE! Really, I can't believe it. We were watching some old videos today and she was about 4 years old. It was so fun to hear her cute little voice again and her cute squatty body. It made me miss that for just a second but then I look at this wonderful and amazing little lady that she is becoming and I am so proud to be her mom.

All she wanted for her birthday was a Nintendo DS (or a "PSI" as Ellie calls it :)
So between us and the grandparents, we were able to fulfill her wish and I don't think her smile could have gotten any bigger.
I also have a tradition of checking them out of school and taking them to lunch for their birthday. She has been planning to go to Quiznos for weeks now. She even saw some coupons lying around at Grandma O.'s house and made sure we put them in my purse.

Ellie is lucky to be the little munchkin who gets to be the third wheel on our lunch dates. We had a great time and I love having a little one on one with each of my kids.

Emma is definitely her daddy's girl and requested a chocolate pie for her birthday dessert.
Notice she still has the DS in her hands. I had to pry it from her to go to school.
My Emma is my tender-heart. She loves to be with her friends and loves to be on the ice. She is a good girl who tries hard to choose the right and loves to share her testimony.
I love you Miss Emma! I am glad you had such a fun birthday and I am so proud to be your mommy! :) I still remember the moment you were born and they said, "It's a girl!" I was so happy to have a little girl that I could love and share all of the fun things being a girl has to offer.

Easter Fun

2011-04-26T21:59:00.003-06:00

I have been trying to get my Easter post done for a few days now but (as always) Blogger is being a pain in the "you know what" about loading videos.
So I finally gave up trying to load videos and just went with the pictures.

We had a super fun Easter weekend this year. We stuck with the Ogden Family tradition of going bowling and took over the bowling alley with our massive amount of people! But it was so much fun. Everyone looks forward to it every year.

Abbie, Ellie and Emma bowled with their cute cousin, Chloe. All of the girls did really well. Of course when you have bumpers and the ramp, it's hard not to do well. ;)

Josh bowled with Nate, Tyler, Wyatt and Ben. He did better than I did.

After bowling, we went back to Grandma and Grandpa's for a bite to eat. Then we decided to take the festivities to our house for the egg hunt and a little volleyball.

Josh was not too terribly excited for the egg hunt, but he participated anyway. I don't know if I am quite ready for a teenager in my house.... :/

The kids all had a blast and everyone found a ton of candy. (Hooray?) After a great few games of volleyball, we headed back over to Grandma and Grandpa's for an exciting event.

We were all able to gather around Hal's laptop and watch as Jake opened his mission call. He is going to school at Georgetown (yes, he is a smartie pants), and received his mission call that very day. It was so exciting to be there and celebrate as he received his call to serve in the Texas Houston Mission- Spanish speaking. He is going to be a fantastic missionary and I am so thankful to have such great examples, like Jake, for my future missionary.

All in all, it was a fantastic weekend- even though we only saw the sun for a few hours. (I am SO ready for this Utah spring to be over. I want a regular spring with sunshine.)

One more fun event- the Easter Bunny brought us a couple of "Just Dance" games for the Wii. We played it that night and it was so fun to see everyone cutting loose and dancing. Even Grandpa O. joined in the action, which was so very funny. That is the video I was trying to upload. I did manage to upload it to Facebook, so here is the link for that...
https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/video/video.php?v=1879650225259

So...very....funny...:)

When I grow up...I want to be a Farmer (like Danette!)

2011-04-17T15:57:00.004-06:00

So just a little background for those of you who don't know Mark all that well.
He is not a big spender- but when he sets his mind to something, he wants it now, no matter what the cost! Which is really fine with me on most days because I hate shopping for him so when he finally decides on something he wants- I say go with it.

This is why I now have a carton full of itty bitty baby chickens on my lap. :/

We were having a pretty great day yesterday- cleaned out half of the garage which felt really good, spent some time outside, etc. Then Mark says to me, "Let's go to IFA because I need to get some fertilizer for the lawn." I say, "Ok"- a trip to the store without children is always a welcome treat, even if it is the IFA Country Store. Little did I know he had ulterior motives....

We have been wanting to get chickens for a while now. I am not opposed to the chickens, I am just CRAZY busy right now and did not want to add one more thing to my plate. Because let's face it folks- who really ends up taking care of the pets most days? I just couldn't face another thing, so I thought I had convinced Mark to wait until next spring. But he knows I am a sucker for cute things, so it was just figuring out a way to get me near the chicks....then I wouldn't be able to say no.

And they sucked me in- those cute little chirping sounds, the fluffy little bodies, those cute little faces. How could I not want to bring them home? So here we are, adding 6 more little ladies to the family. (Sorry Josh). We have Gloria, Pipsqueak, Kelly, Shadow, Peepers, and Kevin.
(You know like on the movie, UP- "Kevin's a girl?")

The kids are in love. The good news is, they are a hands on pet. It's good to hold them because then they will be more friendly as adult chickens. So you didn't have to tell my kiddos twice. Now instead of bugging me to watch TV or play the Playstation, it's "Can I hold the chicks?" We'll see how long that lasts...
(Do you like how Abbie had to go right in and get her cowgirl hat?) :)

I can't just say the kids are the only ones in love. Mark and I are pretty smitten too. They are all such sweet little things and so fun to hold.

Ellie is not quite sure if she wants to hold one by herself yet, but she loves to hold them "with help".

So now we are kind of farmers, right? Just like my little sis, Danette. Except we won't be getting the cows or a donkey any time soon.....I draw the line at the chicks.

Spring Break (better late than never!)

2011-04-09T13:11:00.005-06:00

We had a very fun spring break this year. We took a few days and headed South to some warmer weather. Unfortunately Mark had to stay and work so we had to party without him.
We took the kids to a park by Brittany's house one day and I am now thinking that my kids need to get out more...

They were running around like crazy! It was like they had never seen a park before. Spring fever I guess. We had a fun time. Emma fell in love with a "spinner". Go figure- the ice skater likes to spin. Josh had me take a picture of him jumping off the top of a slide. Which actually turned out pretty cool.

Our next adventure was hiking and tin foil dinners at Red Cliffs.
Again, my kids need to get out more...I guess there is such a thing as watching too much tv. :/
We had such a fun time hiking, making tin foil dinners, and making smores.

It was fun to spend time with everyone- especially cute baby Haiven. :) She even went on the hike with us. We made it back to the water and our crazy friend Craig decided he wanted to go for a swim- in the freezing water. Raylie and Ellie were not too excited that he jumped in. They love him and were so worried about him! It was very cute.

Our last adventure was at the Valley of Fire. It was funny because even though it was only around 75 degrees, my kids were complaining about how hot it was because it was the "Valley of Fire". We had fun hiking around and running away from all of the bugs. (Yes, Ellie and Abbie have inherited their mother's fear of bugs and it was funny to watch.)

It was so nice to have a little break in some warmer weather. I had so much fun with all of my family. I love watching my kids play with their cousins that they don't get to see all the time. They get so excited to be with them and have so much fun together. We missed having our Daddy with us though and I know he was sad to miss the party. Now my kids are addicted to hiking which is good, because it will force us to get out more. :)

Abbie loved the trip so much, she wrote a book about it. I hope you enjoy- I will write translation for those of you who don't speak "1st grader" language.
The Valley of Fire by Abbie Ogden

Dedicated to my Grandma & Grandpa in St. George. The Valley of Fire.
The Valley of Fire is really hot.

I went hiking with my family. I hit my knee.

It stinged bad. I saw a spider. It just nearly jumped off the mountain.

The Valley of Fire has a lot of secret hideouts.
It is fun.

You just want to jump in a pool.
We had to climb a rope.

My Uncle Craig jumped into the cold water.
He is sick now. (Achoo!)

We had fun. FUN!
The End.

A family goal

2011-04-01T14:11:00.005-06:00

A few months back while reading the Ensign, I came across this article about the Living Christ document that the First Presidency and 12 Apostles published in April of 2000. The author of this article stated that her family had taken on the challenge to memorize the entire Living Christ document- a huge task, but it was a great testimony building experience for this family.
So this got me thinking... and wondering how I could possibly make this a goal for our family.
After all, Ellie is just 4. She couldn't possibly memorize the entire document- or could she?

So I set about breaking it up into small sections- with pictures to go with each section. So I have a set of 12 cards with 2 or 3 sections on each card. I put one card at a time in a sheet protector and hang it on our pantry door where everyone can see it.

Then each week, we work on a section. We are now almost through 4 cards and the amazing thing is, Ellie can recite almost all of the words with us. It has been such a cool thing for us to do as a family and we are hoping to be able to have it memorized by Christmas.

So I wanted to share the cards with you in case any of you would like to take on the challenge. It has definitely brought us closer together as we help each other memorize and talk about what each section means. I can't say that the spirit is in our home 100% of the time because then we would be translated- but I definitely feel that my kids are developing stronger testimonies of our Savior- and that will make all the difference in their lives.

Here's a link to a folder I have on eSnips where I have saved each card in a JPEG file so you can download them and print them out for your own use.

The Living Christ Cards